rissymay

Duuuuuuude I'm so happy you wrote this. Cool. Behold, my comments! *dramatic arm gesture* The story of how Ed found the machine in the first place isn't really cleared... maybe ...

Hello, it's rissymay with a few comments... Okay, so the third paragraph... i think it's getting a bit too dramatic too soon... I'd say it'd cause a little anxiety and ...

Greetings, fellow human. I am Rissymay, and I am here to review your story. Behold, my comments! ooh. the first paragraph is giving me chills. I think it could be ...

Hello! Rissymay again. I think the three siblings, Emily, Elijah, and Henry, talk for a bit too long for the reader to still be interested. It was kinda uninteresting to ...

Hello again. Rissymay here, with some comments for chapter 4: I like the first paragraph a lot, especially for the lazy cat comparison. I also hate the sun. :) It ...

yo. 2 "Down!" Anja screamed without hesitation. "DOWN!"-- ok, so this is like SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER picky, but the words "without hesitation" don't seem extreme enough for this ...

Hello, rissymay once again, with some comments: Ok, so I haven't read this in a while, so maybe I'm wrong, but I think your main character is slightly overreacting about ...

hello again. She looked so tempting the way her dark hair cascaded down her body; like a siren in the ocean luring him to his doom.-- ooh. I really like ...

Hello! rissymay again, with only two nitpicks (again): it'd be nice to see some more reaction from Nadia in the first paragraph... like a gasp of surprise or something... He ...

Hello there! I read your story, and I only have two little nitpicks: He stumbled at first; his feet crossing over the other. But after a few seconds of reassuring ...

Hello! This story is REALLY REALLY good! I just have a few nitpicky things: Joshtua smiled. "You're looking very beautiful tonight." "Even for a blind person?" She asked.-- I don't ...

Hello! Rissymay here to review your story. Here are some of my thoughts: I scream in agony, there's no one to hear me. -- this description is too simple for ...

I feel like the first opening sentences are a little too over-the-top for the actual situation going on here... You have some really good descriptions, such as "Earth's succulent flesh", ...

Hello there! I haven't reviewed a lot of poetry, so I probably suck. But I shall try my best. Here are my comments: I like how you contrast mortality and ...

hello there! it's rissymay- you reviewed my story, so I shall review yours! Ok, so the one thing I can say about this whole thing is that it doesn't really ...