railway

Gosh, no wonder you won. This piece is excellent and I think you deserved that prize. This was a short and sweet little piece, with brilliant description and imagery. I ...

I really enjoyed it and I can't wait to hear more, which is a surprise since I'm not really into stories like this. One thing that did bug me was ...

Wow! I love the twist at the end and how it's not completely lovey-dovey. What's going to happen to the kids?! Please PM me when the next part is out. ...

On the contrary, I enjoyed it. I was given a clear idea of what was going on from the beginning. There's one thing I will say, and that's to pace ...

I really love the style of verse you've used here and some of the description, but the only problem I have with it is that it doesn't come to a ...

I have decided to review your story, which I enjoy very much, but there were a few things I found with this that I decided to point out to you ...

Please don't switch tenses! You flitted from present to past tense and I wasn't sure if that was intentional or not. Not only did I do horrendous, Not only did ...

The wind whipped at my hair like an angry beast, whispering dark secrets into my ears. The street was empty; the sky overcast. The papers that had rattled free from ...

With narrative poetry, similar rules apply as to prose. You need to show rather than tell because otherwise we feel no empathy for the character in question. So, if you ...

Wow, this is an amazing piece of prose which has inspired me to write something similar based on real events. There were very few errors with this piece, although it ...

“Yes, honey?” she said in her thick German-English accent, tucking a strand of auburn hair behind Viktor's ear. Viktor flinched. “Mom!” Viktor managed to point his hand at the TV ...

I'm just going to annotate where I have any additional comments. I really enjoyed it btw! I think it's good for your second try at writing. My second time trying ...

I really enjoyed this, your prose is excellent but just try to make sure it doesn't get too flowery and verge on the dreaded purple prose. Also, I personally don't ...

I'll just annotate this in bold for ya. ;] Sshh, we won’t hurt you… Evie jerked awake and sat up suddenly, her heart pounding. She looked around her to see ...

That last paragraph is far too long. You're going to have to chunk that down into at least three or four smaller paragraphs. It seems that you forgot that when ...