pinkladyapples

This is the shortest chapter yet. I think it might well have come at the end of chapter 10. They are really dragging this out, but I do understand why. ...

Does a highlighter click? I have not used one that has a clicking mechanism like a pen does, but that might just be me not being cool enough with my ...

The sensory detail at the beginning is nice with the lights. It helps me visualise the scene more. Poor Lucy just wants to do the project, and I am not ...

It was not nice of Cal to blame Lucy for the panic attack, since he knows the real reason why. Lucy seems a bit of a third wheel. I wonder ...

If Mark was named before this chapter, I think it might work a bit better. Maybe they could see him in the cafeteria before or before first period, so we ...

This is a sad chapter. Poor Alex. Maybe it would be better if Cal told her. Maybe that would stop the panic if she knew. It is a good representation ...

Another good chapter. Maybe don't have Cal mention his dad is a monster and let us work that out ourselves. It is a double-edged-sword with Cal knowing what happened to ...

This would be a good start to the second chapter if you combined the first three, but I can also see why you wouldn't want that. The short chapters are ...

This is a very short chapter. It works for now, but I would say it is not dramatic enough to be a scene that deserves its own chapter. I like ...

This is a good next chapter. The dynamics between Alex, Lucy and Cal are well thought out. They seem like a real school friendship group to me. I can see ...

I enjoyed this beginning chapter of your story. The mystery is set up well with the dream at the start, and the interactions between your characters are well thought out. ...