onceuponatim3xo

For the prologue, I would just completely get rid of that if I were you. You tend to be info-dumping the entire time (which means that you tell the reader ...

Good job! :D I like how you address the reader and how you have so many big questions to them. All right, on to the crit: PREFACE If you could ...

This was a bit over-bearing, you seem to just jump into the torture, and there's lots of it, so it's hard to read such a story. Maybe if you had ...

Hey, this was good. Good job! :D I especially liked how there was some mystery as to what was going on at the factory (hopefully, you'll explain why they were ...

Great Job! There are a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but other than that it was good. I've got a question though: “Then, why did you ask her to cover ...

Great job, the only thing I think that you could improve on would be the pace. You may have wanted to go for a rushed pace for this scene, but ...

Excellent Job!! I especially loved your characterization and dialogue, also you did a great job with descriptions. There a few things theat I'd like to suggest though: {Chapter 1} The ...

Great job on this! It was much, much better than the first half! (: I don't really have anything to say, except I was a little confused when you said ...

Excellent job!! This was extremely well written!! I think that this could - as you'd asked - stay as a stand alone, but you would definitely need a reason as ...

Thanks for splitting it into 2 parts! :D So, on to the crit: Since Esme got most of the quotes in the context - I'll just tell you my impressions ...

Excellent job! My stomach was churning as if I were in the story with them. The only thing that I had a problem with is that - it's kind of ...

Good Job, I'm very interested to see what happens. You did make a few mistakes that I'd like to point out though. The bold shows words that you should either ...

Um, guys? Do you realize that this was posted four years ago? Whoever wrote this will be around 14 now - a much better writer. :lol: :lol: :lol: Hahahahahaha. Wow. ...

Good job! :D But you need to seperate the paragraphs by pressing enter twice after every paragraph. (That way it's not a huge block of writing and you'll get more ...

That was definitely very short and it's hard to edit much, so basically what Casey_kent said, say what happened to her. There's one little thing I spotted though: The number ...