Published April 6, 2008
In my life, the number sixteen means a lot to me. It’s not only my age, but the number of times I’ve moved. The number of times I’ve had to pack up those annoying cardboard boxes. The number of house I’ve lived in. The number of times I’ve had to leave everything just because my mom can’t seem to find a job she likes.
We’ve been across the country, and finally ended up in the small town of Santa Monica, California. I can tell, this move’s going to be different. I felt it the moment we saw the sparkling Pacific Ocean. This is the town that I’m going to make my home in, I’m sure of it.
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139,268 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...this is interesting. For starters, I was to say this piece leaves me with a bit of a question here since on one hand it does seem like we've got a bit of a dramatic note of an ending there with some semblance of a cliffhanger but it also seems somewhat incomplete, so depending on what exactly you were shooting for here a couple of adjustments might have to be made there to either make it more final sounding or slightly less final sounding.
Besides that little issue though, I love the premise we have here. As a big fan of numbers in general, this is a very interesting and oddly sentimental sounding idea here to explore and I already love where this is trying to go here. It makes for quite a solid premise. The ending there is also quite a hopeful one and I do love the wholesome vibes that seem to generally radiate off from that particular one quite a bit. Its the sort of thing that seems like it could make for quite a beautiful story. So yeah overall, I think this despite a couple of slight hiccups, does do its job pretty well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I think it's a great start for a story, very nicely written. On it's own I can't make much of it...
That was definitely very short and it's hard to edit much, so basically what Casey_kent said, say what happened to her.
There's one little thing I spotted though:
Uh it was rather short. But I liked it. Maybe you can make it longer by telling what happened and why you think that you are home.