onceuponatim3xo

This was good, although there were a few things I'd like to point out. Chase was working in the fields when the bell for dinner was by his little sister, ...

Pickle810 is right, your sentece structure seems weak. It's like your demanding these facts into us -like a teacher (and nobody likes getting a lecture from a teacher :lol: ) ...

It helps soooooo much if you space out your writing, you may have had tabs or something - but when you submitted your writing the tabs disappeared. So, you'll have ...

This was a great piece! You had wonderful descriptions! The only thing that bothered me though, was you that really seemed to rush A LOT. I know that it's a ...

This was really quite good! Although there were a few things I saw that you could change a little: In the beginning when you say: Charles Lidlum looked up from ...

Wow! You got me there! Oh right, phew. For a moment there I thought that there was some fancy way of getting to the stories that was the norm on ...

This was good, although very fast paced, you may want to even out a few parts. Also I was a bit confused for these parts: the horsemen were nearly indistinguishable. ...

This was really good! Just a few things though: She felt nothing, heard nothing, saw nothing, smelt nothing, tasted nothing. I think it would flow better if you said smelled ...

This was really good, but I agree with Lancrist - the letter part mixed in with the aunt's behavior seemed very Harry Potter-ish. The way you can easily fix that ...

Those were really good, I liked them! There are just a few spelling typos that you might want to fix, and you should try to find another word for red ...

That is really good! My only suggestion is that you could seperate this part: Put your hand in mine. Never let go. I'm losing control and it's all that I ...

This was extremely good and had a wonderful moral! Just a few things though: #4: I wonder why it is [s]was[/s] here then? #1: Me? Because I don't want it. ...

It was really good just a few things you might want to change. Meghan turned around. "It's that obvious?" "I'm afraid so" I was kind of confused by this - ...

I didn't find any mistakes either, but, I did get somewhat confused by the second person narration, maybe you should try third person omniscient, or something. I don't know. It's ...

Oooo... really good! I liked it! And I also liked the repetition of "you don't know me" it made the poem stronger, I don't think you really need to change ...