noridori

hi! i have to start of saying that i have some but very minimal knowledge of the undertale universe. as this seems to be some sort of au i hope ...

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you really put it into words. i resonated a lot with this piece and i’m glad you posted it. it’s nuanced in way that feels like you’ve pondered this for ...

i think the opening line is great, as it immediately set up some stakes. ‘we’re going to be late’ immediately introduces a sense of urgency. however some of the descriptions ...

i haven't read the rest of the adventures of poppy mclain, but if this is a setup it's great. very intriguing. you introduce the mystery really well. alejandro being both ...

i have to admit, with the name crudalis and calling amsterdam his little weevil, for part of this chapter i was a bit confused if the narrator was a human ...

first of all i just have to mention i love the way you’ve decided to divide your story into chapters and parts. the counting down is so creative and really ...

i really like this opening, you have a great hook. your first paragraph makes the reader ask a lot of questions like 'why’s there someone behind the door? why’s there ...

this story line is one of the more unique ones on this site. it's not bad at all, just slightly confusing since we don't get a whole lot of exposition ...

wow :o i really enjoyed this whole thing the whole way through. the first thing i noticed was that i loved your vocabulary. you have a lot of variation in ...

i really like the tone of this piece! i love the opening because you immediately put the reader straight into the scene by describing something sensory like the smell of ...

how you want to divide your story into paragraphs is a personal preference and there's no right or wrong. i enjoy paragraphs that are 4-10 lines long because getting a ...

i really really enjoyed this piece. it's super atmospheric and mysterious, and it kept me invested the whole way through. it's a great prologue because i'm really curious about the ...

Great opening, in my opinion. I love the way you describe the surroundings. It's very vivid and immersive. 'Darting between loungers, stopping to dip her hands into the pool before ...

such a fun read! i love your writing and the way you build the atmosphere. you're very descriptive and it let's us feel what the narrator is feeling. i really ...