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Re: Angels Hell - Chapter one - part 1
Hi, so your grammar needs some work - examples below. Oxford comma (also should capitalize names): "Look Mary, the Halloween Disco is the same night, me, jinx, beck, jay*, and ...
Apr 10, 2013 -
Re: Freedom of Forgotta Chapter 1.
I think you should use more figurative language - similes, metaphors, etc; it adds depth to the work and allows the reader to visualize everything a lot better. Also, I ...
Mar 12, 2013 -
Re: Mushroom Caps in Lemonade
I like it! It sounds very obscure and wonderfully vague, in the way that it doesn't really say anything, but shows a lot - if you get what I mean. ...
Mar 7, 2013 -
Re: Boobs
This brought my to tears. I mean really, deep stuff here. You've got a lot going with this poem: the tits and the boobs. I think the meaning went over ...
Mar 7, 2013 -
Re: Friends of mine.
I really liked the line, "why can't you come with the tide?" I thought it was really clever. However, the structure of your poem is odd in the way you ...
Feb 24, 2013 -
Re: Sacred
Great job on having such fluency throughout the poem! It's a great poem; very reflective and though provoking. The only part that sorta bugs me is how you use "path" ...
Feb 24, 2013
