Sacred

Great job on having such fluency throughout the poem!

It's a great poem; very reflective and though provoking. The only part that sorta bugs me is how you use "path" right after you ended the previous line with "path" it takes away a little from the sound of it, but other than that great job!

Hey lilchoma!

I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I really liked your poem and its way of criticizing warfare. In particular, I love how it dives right in and criticizes warfare in all respects — from the very beginning of warfare to the modern-day warfare.

Your poem is highly relevant, and I love the fact that you seem to blend modern-day realities (such as, using “bomb” in there) with more archaic forms of warfare (stick and stone). So, it mixes and weaves in the modern-day culture with the warfare of our ancestors that was done for purely religion-related reasons.

I also really like the part in which you ask (very subtlely!) whether it was all worth it, as we now are lost, in debt, and are faced with a situation which we can’t very easily fix. Plus, because your message is so subtle (but strong!) it lingers on a lot longer than if you drove your point with a sledge hammer. It is a mere suggestion which points out the cruelties of warfare and how it breaks us. It doesn’t seek any agenda or anything of the like. HOWEVER. Because it doesn’t seek to do this, it does exactly that. And this is wonderful.

Anyway, good job!

A very short and general review for you today.

This a nice, short poem. The rhyme and rhythm are that of your standard lyrical poem. Though, it isn't as dramatic as the label hints at. There is some alright imagery in the poem, but nothing too spectacular. Though, "and now, the aftermath." made a nice conclusion to the poem. The story has been conveyed in a suitable manner, but really this is an average poem of par merit.

Anyway, this is an alright poem though you do have much to gain. But, as always, keep writing!
- noninjaspresent >(> ==)>*

Hello, brittany here to review. Good imagery, your the second person so far that has made me visualize what you say. I think it is good im not good at this reviewing, i like telling people what I like about it. I don't really have any bad thing to say for you to fix. Keep it up!

Hello there Choma! Dogs here with your review today! Ok to start I like this poem, it has a nice message, although at times it's a little too ambiguous. On a separate note, you're writing is incredibly smooth which makes my job as an editor far easier.

Ok dokey, I think you have a good starting line, bringing the reader in and sparking our interests. You also manage to maintain our focus throughout the whole poem which is well done on your part. Although I think you should just put a period after "bone" just to make the next part of your poem easier to read because it got a little comma heavy which makes it hard to follow sometimes.

"cast the bomb of stick and stone"

I'm assuming that you're trying to say that they threw sticks and stones at those whom God sent. Also I don't think "bomb" is the right word here, because it's contradictory to the fact of sticks and stones being thrown as bombs. Just the modern tactics verse the more tribal and 'low tech' tactics is throwing me off. Also I think it should be "sticks and stones" unless they're just throwing one stick and stone at God's disciples.

"and skunk the hellish path"

interesting use of "skunk" here. I think you need to describe the "hellish path" here. Because I'm confused as to how these people are going to defeat this path because I'm not sure what it is. So try to clarify that for the reader.

I like your ending, way to bring closure to this piece. Your poem is short and can keep the readers attention without falter, but you do have room to milk it out a bit if you need to. All and all I enjoyed reading this piece, it has so good imagery and writing in here. Just with a little clarifying on meaning this could be an excellent piece. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh