mikepyro

The it's 4/5ths full rabble rabble rabble! This piece reminded me of some of my later works like adequate man or yellow sheets dealing with disease and borrowed time. And ...

May be strong and edgy but it's not very well written. The imagery is flat, repetitious, and instantly forgettable. Maybe try something aside lyrics, as all these pieces just end ...

Who's - should be whose. Cut the second down the drain line, it's redundant. Keep it as salt is dumped. The transition to the family mom/dad is oo abrupt. Throught- ...

I can feel the words and emotion here, but honestly its more a rant than it is a poem. The ideas aren't fleshed out, the imagery flat, and it's something ...

This was suprisingly decent. I write alot of dialogue driven work and so I'm usually appalled at how bad and stilted alot of dialogue and char on this site are. ...

Honestly I felt the piece was overstuffed. You take an idea as cliched as seeing someone the night they died in dream and fill it with fluffly, lengthened imagery. Don't ...

It's a decent piece, not a great one, and its subject helped the feature. You get many facts wring about the towers, the attack, you give us no real description ...

Overall this is a very solid work, so much more professional and well written then most of what I find on yws. There's a lyrical style you present with your ...

were now stiff -- should be ARE now stiff, as this is a present tense point. just happened to note, because of this entry in fact that another month has ...

you def have a solid, original, but not overly flowery approach to your imagery that works quite well. I felt the use of the old time language to feel stiff ...

A solid, unqiue and rather emotional piece. There is some stilted moments to the voice though. The "I am sorry for that" for instance reads rather awkwardly. For such an ...

I agree several lines do feel forced, especially the frown line. To me I feel you'd do better in prose. You won't limit yourself by trying to find a ccertain ...

I'd cut the 'forever and ever" and just leave in my heart true. Sounds so much better. Gotta agree the dove line just feels completely out of place, and so ...

I didn't reall find much problem with the chorus, aside the out of place use of whence. honestly this reads more like a poem than lyrics, as a lyric there's ...

yes while the piece is very well written and described I rolled my eyes big time at the crippling mind line. Even if it does feel like this for you ...