Published December 5, 2011
“Dad? Can we talk?”
“Uh. Can it wait? I’ve been working on this computer all day, and I just figured out what the problem is. And I need to get it done before I go to work. Shelly at the office--”
“It really can’t wait. It’s something… um… we just need to talk. Dad. Please.”
“… Okay. What’s it about?”
“Just stuff. You know… important stuff. I don’t know. Just stuff.”
“Stuff? You sure it can’t wait?”
“I’m pretty sure.”
“Alright. Talk.”
“Can we sit down somewhere? Like, in the kitchen or something?”
“So it’s gonna be one of those kinds of talks. Haha, alright. How’s this?”
“It’s fine. Whatever. Okay. So.”
“So.”
“So. Haha.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I guess. I don’t know. Maybe? I’m kind of… I dunno. Confused, I guess.”
“Confused about what?”
“Life. Um… I—I don’t really know what to say. I had this all planned out, but it’s not coming to me.”
“Do you want something to drink?”
“What? No, no, I’m fine. I need you to listen. And don’t talk until I’m done talking. Okay?”
“You’re starting to worry me, bud.”
“Yeah, well. I don’t know where to start. Dad, you know I love you, right?”
“You haven’t said it in a while, but I suppose so.”
“Well, I do. I’m sorry that I don’t ever say it. It’s just weird to me. But, whatever. So, you love me, right?”
“There are sometimes I do more than others, but for the most part, yes.”
“Dad, really. Just stop joking for a second.”
“Alright, alright! Sorry. Go on.”
“You and Mom have been amazing parents. You guys have done everything right, and I love you guys. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a little over a year now about this, but I’ve always been too afraid. I know, it’s dumb. But it’s really not. Dad, you’ve always told me that you wanted me to be whoever I wanted to be. You let me drop baseball because I hated it. You don’t force me to watch football with you on game days. You let me do whatever I want because it’s how I am, right?”
“Right.”
“I know that you wanted a better son than me. I mean, you have two other daughters and I was your last hope for the ideal son. And I mean it when I say I’m sorry for being such a let-down.”
“You’ve never been a let-down. Never. Sure, I wanted a kid I could throw a ball around with, but God gave me you. And I’m so glad he did.”
“Dad. I’m gay.”
“Gay?”
“Yeah. I—I don’t know what else to say. Other than I know that I am. I know it’s not right for people to feel this way, but it is right for me. I know it is, Dad.”
“You’re not gay.”
“Yes, Dad. I am. I’ve felt that way a long time, and I don’t want to have to keep this a secret between us anymore.”
“You’re not gay, Ryan! What about Stephanie last year? You guys dated for three months.”
“I know. I know, Dad. It was because I was so confused, and I wanted to see if I could ever like a girl like that. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t right. I know how this must seem to you. But I’m not any different than I was—”
“What the hell, Ryan?”
“…What?”
“Why would you keep this from us?”
“I—I told you! This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done—”
“I don’t care! Ryan, if you would’ve told us you had these feelings a year ago, we could’ve gotten you help!”
“Help?”
“Yes. Help.”
“I don’t want help. Dad, I want to be whoever I want to be! You’ve always supported that!”
“Before you told me you were a fag!”
“Dad!”
“Tell me you have not done anything!”
“What?”
“Tell me you have not done anything with any other boy!”
“I—I—”
“Damn it, Ryan! Who? And when?”
“Dad, please sit down. Please. I know this is hard for you to accept. You don’t think it was hard for me?! Please don’t yell anymore. Please, Dad. Please.”
“I can’t believe this. God did not create men and women this way. Do you not understand that? Men are supposed to be with women. God made Adam and Eve for a reason, Ryan.”
“I know, I know, I know! This wasn’t my choice! I didn’t choose to feel this way! I just do!”
“No one is born gay! God would never make people born that way. That is totally contradicting His plan!”
“Please listen to me, Dad. Please! I know that this goes against everything I’ve been taught and church! I know that. But I cannot and will not hide anymore. I’ve hid my entire life, and I can’t take it anymore. You don’t think I understand that I’m a sinner? That people will hate me? You don’t think I’ll get bullied at school for being the way I am? But I cannot change. I will not change. All I want is for you to accept me and support me.”
“I will never support gays. And as long as you live under my roof, you won’t support them either.”
“What? Dad, I’m gay!”
“We can get you help. The church has facilities.”
“I don’t want help, Dad! I’m perfectly happy the way I am. I thought you would accept me! I would never have told you this if I knew you were gonna act this way!”
“I tolerate a lot in this household. But I will not tolerate this. My son will not be a fag.”
“I thought you loved me.”
“I do love you. That’s why we’re getting you help.”
“You can’t change me. You never will. If I have to obey your rules because I live under your roof, then I’m getting out.”
“No. You’re not. You’re going to sit here will we talk this over with your mother when she gets home. This is unacceptable. What will people think, Ryan? Did you ever stop to think of that? What? You’re not going to talk now? Fine. I want you to sit here and think about the choice you’ve made and how it’s going to affect your life. I want to get you help because I love you. I don’t want to you die and not be able to go to heaven because you decided you wanted to have sex with a man instead of a woman. We’re going to get you the help you need. Jesus, Ryan. I thought I knew you.”
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,335 Reviews
Well done! I've read a few things on this subject and I've hated them all, thinking it was just because I was bias, but I'm actually really impressed with this one. You protrayed the emotion perfectly, and I can actually see this happening to someone in reality. And your comment totally gave that away about the father, and now I'm a bit disappointed
But I definitley plan to read part two, and I normally try to avoid reading things like this.
I'm speechless. Just terrible. Just beautifully terrible. Yet so well written... You broke my heart, BBB. Dx
- Ariel.
This is such a strong piece. Such emotion. Personally I am very bias about the topic which is partially why I love this poem so much. But you know..... all and all this was basically flawless in my eyes. Keep up the good work!!! Happy Writing!!
TuckEr EllsworTh
This is interesting. I didn't find it a very skilled piece of work.
I found it strange that the father was obviously religious but used a rude word and at the end blasphemed. I thought that was unnecessary.
I also wasn't entirely sure what 'facilities' church has for dealing with gayness?
Anyway, I don't like this very much and think it needs a lot of work in making dialogue more interesting, adding plot etc.
I read it, only to think that the dialogue was good and it was a riveting story. However, the message you're trying to impart is ambiguous. If you're a Christian, then perhaps this will be a story of redemption regarding the sin of homosexuality, etc. If you're coming at this from a careless point of view, then maybe you were just trying to experiment with only dialogue and decided that a sex talk would be the perfect bottomless pit to use. Either way, I wasn't sure what to get out of this piece besides the enjoyment of good dialogue.
Keep Writing!
It was amazing! Really awesome that you pulled it off just with dialogue. I love it!
I don't write anymore and I just come to yws once or twice a month. Today when I came here the title just caught my eye, and the story caught my heart c: Since I'm in-closet bi raised in a muslim family in a moderately muslim country, I totally get the story. I think my mom will act like that if I ever tell her. Nyways, This is like one of the best stories I have ever read on yws and I am sooo sharing this!
Keep writing.
Hey!
You asked whether if, having not seen the title, I as a reader would have known what the story was about. I think I could have taken a pretty good guess at it. Looking through, the son's line about being confused might have given it away to me, but that's just a thought.. Also, I appreciate that I'm thinking of that from someone who knows what it's about and therefore I can't quite give you a full evaluation on it. What I would say is that the beginning, like some of the rest of the piece, feels contrived. The fact that it's not a wholly original story adds to this - but, really, that doesn't matter too much. I feel like the story as a story works, but to make it good and stand out you have to add character to it and flesh it out more than it is right now. At the moment, you have a beginning. For me, it's a good beginning. Think of it as a framework. Using just dialogue makes it a little more tricky to fill out, but if you do it well then it'll be more rewarding that just adding in a few random paragraphs of description, right? By adding a second half you're turning this from a one-shot and for that to work there needs to be more emotional investment; it needs to be something more than the scaffolding which a lot of stories like this are built around.
What you are doing is wonderful. I love the loaded dialogue, and you're pretty good at making the reader feel the intense awkwardness. Also, kudos on making this just seem very, very real rather than a few-hundred words of preaching. I really like how your writing handles a topic that some find 'touchy'.
Hope this helps, m'dear.
Amy
This was suprisingly decent. I write alot of dialogue driven work and so I'm usually appalled at how bad and stilted alot of dialogue and char on this site are. You did a fairly good job of breathing life to bob char before the reveal. After, while it works for the story, I'll admit the dads and even the sons words feel rushed and typical, but you balance the flow quite well. I do feel that this piece needs to be continued, and you need to focus on breathing more depth to you char, as it is now this piece isn't something I'd consider front page of yws worth. I'm not trying to be harsh just trying to help.
Please don't use haha in dialogue. I hate it. It's lazy. Your writing is strong enough that your voice indicates moments of lightness and humor. Also the son I feel should be a little more tongue tied when his dad first rejects him before building up. Show anger as well as sadness and shock. His father is rejecting him, this is a big moment.
So overall a fairly solid piece. It's you decision as to whether or not to include prose. I'd consider adding some moments of desc as the length of the words is no short and punchy enough to support pure dialogue.
I would appreciate it if we could keep these comments about my piece, please. I realize that this is a controversial topic, but this isn't the place to voice everyone's opinions of that topic.
-Jared
Despite lack of details, this piece is extremely raw and relatable. Many kids go through this every day and there is a growing number of gay teens in the world. The characters are very real, and I like that. Also, very natural diologue. Very good.
I must confess that this is very well written and fluid. with just dialogue you manage to convay a lot of emotion, and that is a rare talent. given how many positive reviews you've gotten, and having this piece be featured to boot, I'm sure you knew that already. you have a gift my friend, and as I finished reading this, I realized that I was impressed and offended at the same time. the gift you have is the power to convince people of an idea, and I felt like this piece used that gift in a very insideous way. I am by no means claiming that you did this intentionally, but regardless, the piece is very anti christian. Jesus Christ preached that people seek the truth, not ignorence. he preached that people love rather than hate, and accept people rather than reject them. the Christian character in this story represents everything that saddens me about the way the world is. First off, being gay is not a choice. just as I cannot choose to crave the touch of a man, they cannot crave that of a woman. secondly, even if it somehow were a choice, that is no reason to stop loving them or to be angry with them. Jesus dined with sinners, and the character in your piece along with everone like him in real life insults the memory of such a great man with their ignorence and hate.
as a Christian, I respect your right to choose whether you believe in God or not, but I greatly fear your power. every reader of this piece now has a subconsious bias against Christians. Because the antagonist of your story is Christian, so too do I and my brethren become the antagonists of other's stories. If you did intend this as an anti christian message, and are trying to spread atheism, then you will probably disregard everything I just said, but if not then I simply ask you to be careful how you use your power and keep in mind who it might effect.
your friend and brother,
---Psudiname
DIALOGUE ONLY <3
I've loved this style every since I first encountered it on fanfiction.net when I was about, oh, 12.
Most of what I wanted to say has been said already. I agree with it being bogged down a bit in the last part, and with you doing a good job of showing what's going on. Congrats!
To me, things would be more ambiguous if the title were changed, at least for a person like me. The real giveaway paragraph is the one where the son first mentions he doesn't like sports. That's when everyone, unless they've been living under a rock or are particularly dense, will go OH. He's gay.
Mrrrhhh, this doesn't feel like a proper review. YOU DID GREAT! Though there's room for improvement. Incidentally, the only way you can avoid the "cliche" comment is if you were to present this in such a way that people go, "Oh, I've never seen done this way before. (I'm assuming, you being who you are, that you realize every story is something of a retelling, and there are only a few themes that are truly distinct from each other.) My point of view: ignore the people telling you it's cliche, except when they motivate you to improve. There is room in this world for cliche works--being cliche is not, in and of itself, a bad thing. (It's only bad when it gets to little kid show levels. The kind that go, "What color is this ball?")
So! I would really like to see you expand on this. Shoot me a pm if you do?
Really?
Like we haven't read or seen something like this before
My god, be original man...this is just a lame copy cat theme of a boy coming out to his dad, who is overly religious , to which becomes upset that his son is gay and tries to "help" him and then his goofy son goes into the "this is how i was born...I was born to be gay."
Cliche....very cliche and not original at all.
I don't have any problems with people being gay...I really don't
But unfortunately, I don't believe anyone is "born gay". With that kind of irrational logic pedophiles can easily claim the same thing that they were "born a pedophile". To which I know you and every other homosexual would say "No way, you can't be born a pedophile...you're just sick!!!"
So, to me it's a choice that homosexuals make
What exactly brings up the choice is debatable
I don't see it being sick
But peodophiles are sick...lol
Hey, Bear!
There's not much I'll be able to add to the mountain of praise that you've already received for this piece. But what makes this so unique is that it's totally bare. There was no narrator, no sort of description on the situation, just pure dialogue and making up such a compelling story with that alone is quite commendable.
The awkwardness of the conversation between the father and son is so clearly felt here. The growing intense atmosphere just reaches out and drags me in. I'm sorry if I don't have any critique to give you, but it's only because I truly do like the piece the way it is. You've got mad writing skills and I can definitely learn something from this to improve my poor story-writing skill, lol xD
I'm looking forward to reading more from you. So keep the ink flowing!
Murtuza
Probably not! But the excerpt on the back cover of your book, it would be given away. XD Focus on adding more to the dynamic of father/son and less on trying to make this controversial. The best way to make this controversial is to make this conflict meaningful through character interaction.
Thank you guys so much. Some of you have stated that you felt you knew where the story was going from the beginning. If you had read this without seeing the title first, would you have felt the same way? I'm considering changing the title to make it less obvious at the beginning.
-Jared
I had to like this, even though I didn't like the father at all. Ugh, people like that make me so frustrated! But this seemed really realistic. Good job. Keep writing!
This might just be me, but while I love bare dialogue, this seems to be wanting to be fleshed out. Especially if you continue it! Also, fleshing it out and putting additional details will help it from being cliched. Right now, it's kind of obvious from the get-go on where the direction is. However, if you add personal details, even if it's as simple as the son glancing to the family portrait with tears in his eyes, it'll build a new emotional layer to the story. So, this is a good start, but I think you can do a lot more with this.
Brilliant, I can feel anger in your words but also despair. The two characters are incredibly well defined, you've made a few errors, for example you said 'will' when you meant 'while', but it's nothing a good proof read won't fix.
Brilliant.
Dang. I had this review written out yester-night in my head with the thought of writing it today. And there are so many comments already.
So, I'll just trim everything.
A. I loved the reality your portrayed. I kind of liked the raw emotion.
B. Oh. Second part. Yay. Just lemme know.
C. It is quite 'scripty', but in a good way. Maybe add some tags to the dad's dialogue so that we're able to gauge his reaction. One place I felt this chiefly was "“Gay?”" There are different tones that are running in my head and I can't pin on one, because we don't have a fully known father(I"m not saying the char development was bad, just noting how a reader is at a loss.) The lack of tags is wonderful here, but this part was where I stumbled. Or maybe that's just me.
D. I'd like the father to be a bit more dimensional.
There ya go.
Thank you all so much for the feedback. ahhsmusch, your comment made me laugh because your advice for the father is EXACTLY what I want this story to be. This story isn't complete. I will most definately have a part two, because I need to expand on the father. The father has had trouble with his own sexuality, but I have not really hinted at it yet. Thank you for your advice.
-Jared
I don't know what I'll be able to give you in this review that will in any way vary from the horde of praise you've already accumulated. I just felt that I wanted to review this.
This was excellent. There is so much that dialogue can carry, when done right. Dialogue is character, it's story, it's description, it's education, it's who knows what else. People underestimate it. It's cool to see the power it can hold even isolated from any descriptive padding, or tags, or anything.
This is, in itself, something of an argument for gay rights. And it's a good one. Whichever side the reader is predisposed to settle down on, he/she will invariably find him/herself sympathizing not with the father, but with the son. What's more, the scene you have illustrated here is the reality of matter.
While writing this, and in doing so rereading some of the parts that were worth rereading, I found myself realizing that I do, in fact, have some critiques that you may find of interest.
Firstly: In the latter half of this piece - after Ryan told his father that he was gay, that is - the dialogue sounds terribly halted. The father is just kind of rambling on, with the son throwing out these little interjections here and there. I'd toss together all the father's arguments into one pile, and those of the son into another, so that the pieces of dialogue are longer and more debate-formatted.
Secondly: you're really overdoing it with the ellipses. I think that this might be contributing to the disjointedness I'm seeing in the conversation.
And that's it. Hope I helped.
-Kafka
I agree with Lumi, this piece lacks originality. By the first few lines, I could already tell where this story was going. You did not shed any new light on the situation, and the climax was predictable. The father is one-dimensional and stereotypical.
I suggest take it in a new direction. What if the father thought that he was gay when he was his son's age, but he suppressed it? Or what if he was empathetic, but restrained by his religion/community in supporting his son?
Bienvenidos, Big Bad "Beetlejuice" Bear Boy.
I won't take too much time with this since it's a touchy subject, and because you know what you're doing, but I want to give stylistic advice on a few levels since this piece is bound to get a lot of touchy-subject praise. But, first of all, I definitely want to congratulate you on using only dialogue. It's not easy, but you pulled it off well enough to where it's still captivating; however, I do think that your reliance on only dialogue cost you some big bucks in a few places.
The first place is originality. There's not really anything in this back-and-forth that struck me as new. If you've known a gay guy raised in a Christian household, then you know the story inside and out. That's both because these stories are common, and because this situation happens far too often, and so with that in mind, I want to give you a point for hidden political statements. "There's not much original about this piece because fathers and mothers have made it cliche." There's some power in that, I think, but not much as far as literary value...which is what I'm here for.
The second fault is in your flow. Towards the end, you get a little trigger happy with exclamation points, and it gives it a bit of the all-caps dilemma, wherein it feels like constant annoying shouting, and not emotional shouting. Variation in both sentence composition and punctuation will fix that right up, but it does take from the quality. Your flow, though, is hindered by the fact that it's only dialogue--but that's forgivable. It's like the question on the SAT that you don't answer. It doesn't count for you, but it doesn't count against you, either. That means that you need more points elsewhere to make your flow that much better.
Finally, I'd tie up some loose ends on the father's end of the dialogue. While I know it's classic, he comes across as annoyingly immature in the latter half, simply because he doesn't have a solid argument. He just throws out these big ticket items to make his son feel THE PRAYER SHAWL OF SHAME.
H'anyways, I hope this helps. Let me know if you have questions or comments,
-Lumester
I loved this. I can't give any critiques, but it's really good!It's such a relevant topic to the people of today, and I loved how you addressed the issue. I felt as if you were writing about something that'd happen to you, and this was memory or something. Well done!
I think this is really well done. You explored the subject without inserting too many of your own opinions and offending anybody. I love the way that you've told the entire story through dialogue only - not only that, but the dialogue is realistic, and creates a very good image of what's really happening. You've showed all the starts and stumbles people show when talking to each other in real life, all the insecurities a person might have.
I also like the realistic way you've managed to convey the father's mood changing so rapidly without writing anything but dialogue - you can see his reaction as clearly as if you'd described it fully.
I don't really know what to suggest to improve this! I'd read over it and reconsider just some of your choices of wording. Try to make a bit more of a distinction between the way the father and the son speak. For instance, the father is likely to speak a bit more formally, and the son more awkwardly under the occassion. You've already showed that pretty well, thinking about it!
This is really good, without presenting mine or anyone else's opinions on the subject.
~MorningMist~
This is a much better expression than the other one. I do not support homosexuality, but this was interesting to read indeed. Nice work.
It's not perfect but I liked the way I could imagine everything happening from the dialogue alone. Mark of a good script.
“Life. Um… I—I don’t really know what to say. I had this all planned out, but it’s not coming to me.”
That was my favorite part. I think everyone can relate with that and feel the lump in his throat. Everyone sort of dreams up the perfect way to break such news but it's always harder in the act. Sorry this isn't a detailed review. Your grammar and such seem fine. My biggest advice would be to avoid cliches with the dialogue and characters. For instance, the father could show more inner conflict and the discussion could keep itself from turning into one-liners from typical debates about sexuality and religion.