Published January 22, 2011
Or: A RARE LOOK INTO THE MIND OF ME
Dear Self,
How are you today? I know, it has been awhile since we last talked, and I am sorry I have been away for so long. I never expected me leaving you would have this effect on you.
The last time I was with you, you seemed so happy and full of life. Nothing in the world could have taken you down from the mountain top you were on when I last saw you. You were so in love with him. So what happened? Talk to me.
I'm not one to believe in rumors, especially the ones I hear about you, but last I heard he hurt you. Is that true? Honey, what happened?
You seem so different now, like a husk of your former self.
I found a mask of a smile that had your name on it. Why would you ever need such a thing? You smile on your own so beautifully why would you ever need to pretend?
How have I been? I can't really say. I spend my days and nights here in the dark; lately they seem to have melted into one, so I can hardly tell the two apart anymore. I feel...numb, for lack of a better word.
I'm lonely, and a little afraid. I know I shouldn't be after all I am surrounded by people who love me. But I feel as if a part of me is missing.
I wish I was with you again. Maybe if we were with each other we would feel better, and we wouldn't be so hollow.
I suppose it's true then, that he hurt you. As I sit here looking at your photograph I can tell. Your eyes don't shine and I can see the edges of your mask where it was starting to slip off.
I really am sorry you have to go through this. But you are not alone. What more? You've got your whole life ahead of you. So keep moving forward, and don't look back.
You'll be alright.
Sincerely your's forever and always,
Your Heart
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140,962 Literary Works • 673,784 Reviews
A solid, unqiue and rather emotional piece. There is some stilted moments to the voice though. The "I am sorry for that" for instance reads rather awkwardly. For such an open piece the voice needs to be more lifelike, flowing, people use I'm, we're, stuff like that in everyday speech. I found the "husk" line rather cliche as well, it's just a line we've heard many times before.
Aside this the strength of the piece outweighs the negative points. You did well here.
I really like it. Very meaningful and emotional, kind of. Good idea, though.
That was a very good piece of writing, congratulations. From a psychological point of view, I can see that you have put many emotions into the writing. If you touch it up, it would probably perfect!
thanks
My tip to you would be:
1. Write something.
2. Read it a couple of days later (or months - the longer the better!)
3. Make it better (when you improve work from an earlier time, your writing tends to change.)
Great, and good luck!
P.S. Please view my post on 'becoming a journalist' and visit my website!
MY WEBSITE: http://www.wix.com/youngjournalists/rjohns
Thanks so much for the reviews
Lately things here have been rough. I haven't been able to get "Him" off my mind. I can't sleep any more and I haven't been able to write. And the thing about me is I keep so much emotion and feelings bottled up inside that sometimes I feel as if I just might explode into nothing. So I wrote this. Really, it's a release for me.
And I am so glad you guys like it, I was afraid to post it at first. It really does help to know we're not alone.
I have written something that this reminds me of. I almost want to post it and let you read it. OH wait! I have it on Deviantart. Here's the link
This was really thoughtful and powerful, and I think every one can relate. I also think every one has sat down and wrote something like this, and what you wrote is a great relief to know that we are not alone. Sometimes we just need to sit down, apologize to ourselves, and talk. Or maybe it's just the crazy writeres that need to do that. Either way, this was lovely.
http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§i ... y#/d1uh0mc
That is my old account though so everything there is out of date^^
Great minds think alike I say
Wow! This was really good! I can't beelieve that you actually wrote something like that, I'm not saying that you couldn't, you could obviously... But this is really clever! Write a letter from your heart, that's truly really clever! I loved it so much!!!!
*likes five billion times*
Keep Writing!
Nike
I loved it a lot... This is a thing i do a lot of times when i am sad but i never wrote it down....
It totally relates to me...
Keep up the good work...
PM me for anything...
Thats really good! Really meaningful in a way. Good job! *likes*