mikedb1492

A little boy of that age was hugged into her furs, Of what age? I looked through the preceding sentences, and you may be referring to ten years, which was ...

Well, this is the first chapter of your story I've read, but I'll give it a crack anyway. “Then why did you-” For parts like this, a triple period works ...

Just so you know, I didn't read the other reviews, so pardon any repeating on my part. The young king stared at the city before him, its towers rising to ...

My legs and arms twisted around painfully as I rolled, getting caught in random branches. Don't use the word "random". It's a word that's descriptive, but at the same time, ...

Jack Mitchell crept out of the shadows of the warehouse and looked both ways before turning back and waving the crowd in. It's a little thing, but by changing "crept ...

I didn't read the other reviews, so pardon any repeating on my part. So, let's get started! The soft melody of the music box echoed and faded through the dimly ...

Sometimes, we think we’ve conquered out fears, only to be confronted by a greater fear. First, get rid of the comma after "sometimes". Also, change "out" to "our". Then, just ...

It was coming. Just like it always did. It always came on the same day at the same time of the day. I shrank back into a corner of my ...

Before we get started, I want to tell you that I noticed you've posted many of your own stories, but you've only actually done ten reviews. Remember to keep up ...

Just thought I'd tell you before you went on to my review that although I have many things brought up below, I did actually enjoy this. So don't feel down ...

Hello I am mike, and I am also too lazy to read other people's reviews (even if it's only one), so, pardon any repetition on my part. Besides, two different ...

Yep... I'm not going to read all those long reviews, so pardon any repeating on my part. The chart on the end of my bed said that I had a ...

The man I had just finished persecuting was on his way to jail, and the little girl he attacked was healing. You mean prosecuting, not persecuting. Also, I'd change "the ...

This is the only Christmas memory I ever had: stepping out of the training center. Remember to stay in the past tense. Change "is" to "was". My hands were still ...

Well... It was okay, but I think it would have been better if you would have taken more time with it. It was just so short. Besides, she was just ...