ladyKixRox

Hello! And welcome to YWS!! Well your poem is nice! The rhythm gets thrown off a bit when with the "Like those flying by" Line at the end of everything. ...

Well borntobeawriter has already pointed out most of the flaws of this story so i guess I'll tell you what you did right! Its very well written and formed. I ...

Hello! The prologue is very well written,its just a bit confusing, If you say that all the suspects were murdered the same way,Then at the beginning were they all killed ...

Oh my goodness...Your writing was so great it was like i was watching a movie! I honestly forgot i was reading a story for a quick second. This was just ...

Hey Bloom! May i call you that! The First thing i noticed was the structure,The Story wasn't formed right,and also your transitioning and your explaining of Adaline's surroundings is quite ...

I pointed out a few mistakes i could find as i read but their was alt of words that were unnecessarily used,as a means to make the story sound more ...

This was so amazing! The love passion and the description was on point! I was captivated and i enjoyed the long thought you put into it because it shows! I'll ...

Oh I love how the title explained the ending! Very nice! it sounds like a nursery rhyme! And trust me that's a good thing! Like an adventurous bedtime story that ...

Sup! First off, The poem's idea was great! But the structure was um not so great. At first glance it looks interesting,what with the ABC form,but it made it difficult ...

Well i agree with Snapesonaplane..... The part when she wakes up in a the care of the two males does seem a bit rushed. I dont mind a long read,but ...

This poem is so simple its cute! Yes it was flat but its the type of poem to look like it going to build up then its,"oh no sorry didnt ...

I see you have a peculiar way of writing,i like it! You executed it nicely! "You cant know I'm ordinary" i love it! and the whole structure screams I'm not ...

I loved this i mean the analogies were just to die for,but i don't know if you did this on purpose but if you didn't it messed up the rhythm ...

My goodness all of "this" was genius! The ending blew me away! I felt her jealousy of her husbands love for writing his poems. It was just...just so lovely. Everything ...

I agree with JAsmine Hart on this one. Your rhythm could use a bit of work. "That is what the policeman sees As he drives around the cul de sac ...