kokobeans

The beginning of this piece is the end of 'just like me', aka part one. Yuki is the dude who was introduced as a purposely shallow character in part one, ...

Interesting writing, very unique. I'm not really entirely sure what this is about, or how to interpret it, so perhaps a brief intro or sidenote might help.

I'm not entirely sure what to say about this... It's really good, and very effective. Yes, also scary. I don't fully understand the last part in italics though, i'm not ...

I agree, it needs a bit more description. I think you also need to read through it slowly, maybe say it allowed. There's a few simple spelling and grammar mistakes ...

I really like the first and last. These are really good. You could try using a line of underscores to make it clear that these are separate. All together they ...

I know, I know. I'm used to using msword so I forget the I's. Still working on it. The whole thoughts/speach issue, is that it's all written in first person, ...

Brilliant. The variation of the things you say help to build a picture that can be interpreted in so many different ways. I like the rhyming too, the whole poem ...

* darkness falls as i DECEND Really interesting, could be longer. The last line puzzles me a bit too, maybe it could use some commas, or be a little more ...

Brilliant! I love your style of writing. Some parts confused me a little, i think cat4prowl has already pointed them out. Apart from that, good work. Kudos.

This is really good. It seems like quite a well written fairy-tale. Did you mean to make it like that, or should this be a full story?

Well... I assumed that if people didn't know what lockstep meant, the idea of dance, lock, and step, would give the general impression of what kind of dancing it is. ...

I love that. I think the whole poem seems to carry on with a steady flow, but then the last line changes the entire meaning, brilliant. Keep it up. Kudos.

You know how every once in a while you read something that is so genuine it makes you forget you're reading this on a computer screen... i think you just ...

I'll agree that this doesn't flow all too well, but i disagree about this being nonsense. It's the kind of thing you have to read over twice, then again. I ...