Published December 4, 2007
Being Imperfection
Living, breathing in this world of contamination
Seeking, finding, immigration
Always dreaming, being, another dimension
In this world of stress and tension.
This world broken; the rule of human flaw
Nature, poverty, Einstein’s Law
Gripping tightly, slow release
This world survives on short time lease.
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Canary word: Present
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,385 Reviews
Excellent stuff, I'm pretty impressed with the intelligence of it, there are no 'waster' lines, it's all one big description and I love it
Nice job, the 'immigration' sounded forced but it's still pretty amazing
I really liked it, but maybe you should add another verse?
Brilliant. The variation of the things you say help to build a picture that can be interpreted in so many different ways. I like the rhyming too, the whole poem has a nice flow to it. The last line also rounds it off perfectly. Kudos.
I loved it.
I wouldn't change it whatsoever, the lack of specification makes it all the more intriguing to interpret. This is something I can genuinely say I liked on this forum. Thank you for sharing.
I love the last line. It's so ironic!
With that said, you may want to make it more ironic by being more specific. Instead of saying "world of contamination" consider writing about what is contaminated, just to make it more interesting, in a literary way. And don't worry about rhyming! Many of the greatest poems don't rhyme, so you shouldn't try to turn everything to a rhyme. Quality over rhyming, no?