joshuapaul

This really wasn't great. Usually I would begin a review with the strengths and I think the only strength was the original voice. But, as for the writing, it was ...

I could feel the relish with which the hands gently picked me up and carressed my glass sides. How lovingly those lips neared mine and brushed so softly and so ...

Okay, Please break this up. Find suitable places to for paragraph breaks and push them in there. The task of reading this was made so daunting by the lack of ...

Hello, let's begin. It was a quiet day within the household of the Riveras. The halls boomed loud strikes of silence, with just the sound of the wind pushing against ...

Hey Mikko, hope this helps, your lyrics are always wonderful. Starting a war Verse 1 Oh I can feel it, It’s heavy in the atmosphere Yeah I can see it- ...

Hello, This was interesting and a good concept, but it does need work. It all started with a bite . What a weird way to start a story . I ...

Crawl off to sleep with your gun in your bed To guard you from nasties and mutated men Okay I was a little taken aback here. The first line and ...

I looked toward Sarah, who was sneaking through the trees toward Walter. how was she sneaking? replace this word with something a little more descriptive, something that implies sneakyness. eg, ...

the stick burns, ashes fall. i see your face in the smoke, touch it, but you disappear... and so i watch Lovely opening line. I didn't like 'touch it' though. ...

(The title is metaphorical, by the way) You never meant to hurt him. He never mean to hurt you, either. You were brothers, you loved each other. But you were ...

She stared into the soiled white folds of her pinafore apron. So this is how it all begins eh? the start of your novel. The first few words of a ...

This reads almost like a really short story, which is good because I prefer fiction to poetry anyway. ;) The cold hurts, This is too literal and direct. It's poetry ...

Okay this is much better than the next chapter. There still exists a few prevailing issues though. 1) Avoid cliches, they are everywhere and nobody is safe. The reason this ...

I blinked sleepily. Too weak to start a chapter, scrap it and start with the next line. Coming out of collecting was like sleeping for one day straight , even ...

The birds’ morning song woke him, but his eyes remained closed. Any minute now the Pull would drag him to his feet he would be off again, wandering the earth ...