joshuapaul

scrap the first paragraph. Everything revealed in the first paragraph can be entwined in the events. You don't need to establish the setting from the first word. Leave it a ...

Hated it. But I'm a guy so I'm supposed to hate romantic fiction. Perhaps if you tweaked it a little I would hate it less. Firstly why on earth is ...

hmm I don't read alot of poetry but enjoyed this piece. I'm sure there is some thing you could do to tweak but it would not be my place to ...

Ha this certainly wasn't what I was expecting but in hindsight what more could I expect with the title 'Best Friends.' I like the way you have broken it up ...

enchanting piece and what a way to end. Or perhaps more will follow? The fact the idea of this piece comes from the cat and the butterfly adds alot of ...

Is this an entire chapter? have you mapped the entire story out chapter to chapter? My point is this may serve well as an epilogue but it seems far to ...

Chapter 2 The absence of wind was so sudden that for a moment I thought I must have fallen from the rooftop, that I was dead. Pain fought through the ...

Where to begin... Prologue - very brief and concise and stirs interest. No boring bits just a hint of what lies in the next chaptor(s) Chaptor One - Fast paced ...

hmm, well written prose that ticked over nicely. There was something eerie and dark particularly the ending, seemingly no denouement, just a question. Well a few questions, Was she delusional? ...

Nice, slow and steady but an interesting piece. Interested to read the other chapters. The feather analogy seemed to drag on a little bit but came together with the later ...

Wow, interesting piece, I know little about lyrical poetry I must say but there was something about this that had me spell-bound. The first few lines seemed to lead nicely ...

Well done, an enjoyable piece. Great characters and narrative. A wee bit confusing at the beggining and still not entirely sure what was happening, perhaps I should have began with ...

Wow, I noticed you critiqued my work so it is only fair I do the same. However, there isn't much else that can be said here, I think it has ...

this is very compelling. I haven't read any of your other work but I like your writing style. Most of the fiction I have found in YWS is crammed with ...

Good idea. This story has a bit of soul and is original which is awesome. However, I think you need to do alot of work. It's just too boring from ...