jonny911

They are what are called brothers This is the only typo I see in your play. Who would say this? I don't know! I'd assume people know what brothers are! ...

O.K., it looks like you need a lot of help. First of all, you really shouldn't post a story one paragaph long. There isn't near enough detail for people to ...

I like it! I see flaws in a story revolving around this, though. All powers and no limits to them Assuming one of these is in your story, couldn't they ...

It's good writing, I must say. But all the swares and insults to religion are driving off a lot of people who might want to read your story. If your ...

Ok. It's a good prologue, if a little on the short side. The first paragraph seemed a little cheesy to me. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it's ...

Good! No major problems I can see. The only gammatical error was that you were missing a comma here. Then bye , I suppose I could make out small humid ...

I Can totally imagine singing this over and over and over. In fact I'm singing it right now! It's short though. How about repeating this part after the double chorus ...

Just so you know, here's how you basically format a script: Ollie : Look! A serial killer! Lolly : We must protect our Kellogs! Ollie : To the cereal bowl! ...

The Redwall books are awesome, but they require a lot of time to read thuroughly. My favorites are Mossflower, Long Patrol, And Martin the Warrior. I haven't read any in ...

I like it. I don't think must change has to be made. It's great writing. One idea I'd have is have it bee an intro, but take out the names, ...

I don't think it's a very good script. It's way to short, and the scenes don't flow well and breaks occur way to often. Some parts don't make sense, either. ...

first thing I would definitely change is the characters. It's hard to really pay attetion to the plot when you can't figure out who everyone is. You need to have ...