Published October 15, 2007
Edited:
I've deleted all records of the prototype Uberhero and Decahero story, as it is no longer canon. Thanks for reading it, and I hope you guys get to see the real thing when it's done.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,598 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
Very not bad. A mix of Bourne, Back to the Future, and Heroes. Very nice. Not exactly the most simple to combine, but I still dig it.
However, the character needs some tuning. She seemed too depressed for me to even bother being sympathetic (I felt she was already feeling sorry enough for herself). It's made just a tad bit obvious that the change she's craving is going to happen. Next time, I suggest the more subtle attack. Guessing is one of my least favorite games, making me just want to read some more.
Anyway, very nice. At least you didn't immediately put a stupid name for the superheroes like MegaMan or Wasp Boy.
Quite possibly. I'm making this up as I go along. This story is, as most of them are, a product of the imagination. I don't plan ahead in great detail and leave room for new ideas as they come. But I have planned out where Ada's headed. I just hope I can send a few readers through a loop or two on the way.
So is the vial filled with liquid that will make Ada a superhero? I know you said it was all destroyed, but did some of it secretly survive?
Good call with that, Jonny. I'll add a fix on that. While I want a supersuper hero, I don't want anything too eccentric. I'll add a set limit and power distribution complex. Thanks!
I like it! I see flaws in a story revolving around this, though.
Assuming one of these is in your story, couldn't they just blow up the world if they wanted to? They need some limits.
If they are cavemen, how would they know about the solar system, genetic alteration, and greenhouses gases? I know they aren't real cavemen, but if they need all this told to them, they probaly aren't that tuned in, you know.
This is reely good. but, u need sumthing mor. im not shur. but sumthing. giv it sum mor 'pazzaz'(i luv that wrd!)