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Re: The Cobra's Cage: Chpt. 1
First of all, I love the details. You have a knack of lacing your stories with poetry and description better than I've read in a long time. I love the ...
Feb 22, 2014 -
Re: A Time Machine and a Bullet- SCREENPLAY
I like it. This is the first screen play I have read so my critique may be slightly skewed. I Think that you did a wonderful job. The only thing ...
Feb 21, 2014 -
Re: Heroes Fall (chapt. 3 part1)
I like it. I think that one thing you need to do is read over it and make sure that you have all the grammar mistakes fixed. I understand mistakes ...
Feb 21, 2014 -
Re: Heroes Fall (chapt. 2 part2)
Okay, first, DAMN. I didn't expect that when their hands touched. I really want to know more about their world because it seems like it's different where prophesy and magic ...
Dec 26, 2013 -
Re: Heroes Fall
Okay first of all, i like the plot. I would definitely expand. It seems more like a summary than a story. Again I bring up the feeling evoked from this ...
Dec 26, 2013 -
Re: For it is Love
I like that it's simple and short. That said i think that if you added more feeling to it, it would be more powerful to read. For example, on the ...
Dec 26, 2013 -
Re: The Perpetually Incriminating Uncertainty of Us
First of all i like the poem I think that you get a good point across. A few suggestions I would give are first, shorten it. You have a very ...
Dec 11, 2013 -
Re: I Dream
This is a really interesting work. I like that you have a consistency to it and that it's easy to understand. I like how you explained reality in this, as ...
Dec 11, 2013 -
Re: The Elemental Survival Games Chapter 1 School Life and Introductions
Ok first of all i like the story so far a few grammar mistakes that I will point out an then I will give an over view of my opinion ...
Nov 24, 2013 -
Re: Alone
I love this poem. I pretty much describes how I am most days. With the want of isolation to be calm. I am not a people person to say the ...
Nov 15, 2013 -
Re: "I'm starving."
I like the obvious message behind this and thought that you did a good job conveying that. I think that as a country we think that we have it hard ...
Nov 12, 2013 -
Re: The Puppeteer - Chapter One
I like the start of it. This is a good first start and I think that maybe if you italicize the parts that go back to the now it would ...
Nov 11, 2013 -
Re: The first job
I think that it is a good plot. The major issues I see are grammar, including commas, capitals, and quotations (mainly on the first paragraph). That said it is very ...
Nov 11, 2013 -
Re: Nocturnal Girl
I like the simplicity of it. It is to the point but isn't missing any of the descriptions needed to complete it. As for minor details I would like to ...
Nov 6, 2013 -
Re: "Your Rose"
This is a beautiful piece. You definitely have a talent for writing poems and should continue. Some things that I like about it is definitely the vocab and use of ...
Nov 5, 2013
