indieeloise

Hello, Pandemonium~ You really pulled this off nicely. Few can truly grasp the essence of a prologue and put it on paper completely, and you've mastered it. You used just ...

Salutations~ First of all, love your storyline. I'm a sucker for guys my age that are musicians. Here are a few things that really stuck out that I would suggest ...

Greetings~ The first thing I noticed is that you had your character, the mother, address Benjamin and Avie as "girls!" when they were arguing. Isn't Benjamin a male character..? I ...

Hello~ Try varying the words in which you start your sentences - change up your syntax, in other words. Twenty of your sentences begin with the pronoun "he" alone, not ...

Hello~ The first three to four introductory paragraphs were very strong, and I like the way in which you established your character's voice. Be consistent with the verb tense throughout ...

StoryWeaver~ I loved the theme - something about lyrics of the ocean and love never fail to draw me in. The format was different than the typical song [V, C, ...

Emma~ Absolutely beautiful. I don't usually read/review poetry, but the metaphor in the title caught my eye. I love the subtle idea of unity, broken by words and thoughts and ...

Hello! My only complaints are a few spelling errors, unnecessary commas, and the occasional break of flow. I'm very interested in finding out a little background information on why exactly ...