gyrfalcon

Here we go! Every now and then, Sharifah would come outside and boil more water, then take it back inside again. Not a bad sentence, but it’s a bit overweight. ...

Really beautiful darling. The part that most impressed me was the voice--like many people, I sort of "hear" things in my head while I read them, and this was a ...

Two quick things (sorry, didn't read the whole thing just now): put spaces between your paragraphs, makes reading much easier, and please (I only noticed a few to start off ...

:( :smt010 :smt022 ^that's all I have to say. *sniff* MORE PLEASE!!!

You did say shred, yes? Those were your words, "please shred it for me"? *cringe* I don't hate it, darling, I really don't, in fact I like it a great ...

:shock: *is dizzy* Wow, this isn't normally the kind of poem I go in for, but I really enjoyed it, Lottie! I especially liked the way you split up the ...

I really did enjoy this work, darling! Especially the way you capitalized "Guilt" gave a nice touch, but I'm not over-fond of your use of the word "Scrambling." It just ...

frosty in the winter air what’s frosty in the winter air, his face or the sweat? retucking his tunic wait, methought Untouchable men went shirtless? He tried not to care. ...

A good read, darling, but it felt more like prose chopped up to me than pure poetry. I don't mind that it didn't rhyme (what poetry does these days?), but ...

Brilliant, darling, genius. Don't you dare listen to the others (sorry guys) and put in more action--the (almost) pure dialog was perfect!!! *sigh* It's been far too long since I ...

And here I come again, all geared up and ready to crit, and lo and behold, I am beaten to it! I shall, however, copy/paste this chapter to my computer ...

Surealy beautiful, with a unique flow that sweeps the reader along at just the right pace, curving and twisting into something lovely. You did a wonderful job here, darling, and ...

I must say, darling, the title did not exactly draw me in, but the last poem of yours I read was so delicious that I decided to give this one ...

Beautiful, darling. There are very few poems that can creep beneath the ability to make me smile and touch the ability to make me silent--this is one of those. Your ...

Hehe, I really need to stop commenting on your poems, darling, I never say anything constructive!!! In this case, though, I kind of only half-get it (which, for me, isn't ...