gymnast_789

I used to live in the beige house with dull brown shutters and a thick slab of concrete attached to its waste. Good opening sentence! I love your use of ...

Hello there! I didn't find anything wrong other then the things that people have already commented on. It is a very good story that you told and I know where ...

The story starts out good when you are describing the rooms that they go into. There were a few places though that I thought could use some work: Then there ...

Hmm... very interesting. I enjoy your writing very much. You have a very good vocabulary that you use in your story that makes it interesting all the way throughout. The ...

That’s ridiculous, Frank, I don’t that’s very true. This sentence is kinda awkward. I think its supposed to be " That’s ridiculous, Frank, I don’t [think] that’s very true." Frank ...

He doesn’t realize the ass kissing has to be done before the old hag keels over. I liked this line :D They probably call soda ‘pop.’ Hey...I call soda pop ...

Noise. That’s what woke me up. A large clang sounded near my eardrums and I fell out of my bed. I heard yelling and I opened my eyes, still heavy ...

I think that you have a very good idea for this poem, but it doesn’t exactly jump off the page, and make someone want to read it. One of the ...

“I am not human.” “I am not alien.” “I am not human.” I am still here, she said, open the door. I think if you change all of these "I ...

The friesen horse didn't even [s]to[/s] notice Nightmare, he just kept on walking. Interesting. I liked this piece, but maybe that's just because I'm around horses a lot. I would ...

I liked this peice! It didn't really have anything that I could see that needed fixing, as far as grammer and stuff. I really liked the ending of this peice, ...

Booker stepped from the taxi cab and onto the motel parking lot, paid the driver, walked a little ways, leaned against the only tree on the entire property – just ...

I liked the beginning; I couldn't really find anything wrong with it. It's in the second paragraph I found a problem. You start out talking about how Fireman used to ...

Didn't you post this a while ago? I think I meant to critique it but it must of slipped my mind :) :oops: . Lets see... Rame shrugged, quietly pleased ...

I see someone already beat me to the typos ^_^ :) If it was absolute emergency, you would remember it , but if not it stayed hidden in your mind ...