Nightmare stood in the stall, a white bandage over her wounded shoulder. Rebel Yell was moved into a seperate stall over night, and Nightmare was unable to sleep without his presence. With a sad whiny, she began to eat the rough oats that had been placed in her stall. The oats tasted nothing like the luscious grass they had in the wild. Nightmare stomped her hoof against the ground and nudged the bucket of oats over.
The rich girl's limo pulled into the stable yard once again. This time it was followed by a red ford truck with a large horse trailer attached to the back. The girl stepped out of the car, her blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. The door of the horse trailer opened and a large horse was lead out. The horse was a Friesen. The horse wore a long red blanket across its back that said 'Goliath'. The girl scampered towards her horse, smiling. She grabbed the rope, leading her horse into the stables, right past Nightmare's stall.
Nightmare glared at the friesen horse, neighing shrilly. The friesen horse didn't even to notice Nightmare, he just kept on walking. That made Nightmare even angrier and she kicked against the stall doors. Bill walked up to the girl and the fresien horse, grinning.
"Howdy, Monica," Bill greeted.
Monica looked up at Bill, faking a smile. "Hello Bill, look at my thoroughbred, champion horse, Goliath."
Bill nodded his head nonchalantly, looking over Goliath. He quickly turned to look at Nightmare, the horse that would make him loads of money. Sean walked out of Darius's stall, stopping to talk to Monica and look at Goliath.
"He's beautiful, Monica," Sean smiled.
Monica returned the smile, her amber eyes twinkiling.
"We should go on a trail ride sometime," Sean offered.
Monica just nodded, still admiring how handsome Sean was, potential boyfriend material. Sean turned and walked away, still smiling. Monica lead Goliath into his own stall and began to put his tack on. After about thirty minutes, Goliath was ready. Monica took him to the ring, mounting easily. With a quick squeeze they were off. Goliath was over the jumps so gracefullly, it was as if he had wings. Riders stared at the pair in awe, Monica made it look so simple.
In the stables, the blonde girl that had become rather fond of Nightmare, opened Nightmare's stall. Nightmare sped out, running straight for the ring.
"Go get 'er girl," The blonde girl shouted with a smile.
Nightmare wasn't going to let this pampered, tame horse show her up. She ran towards one of the highest fences. She came before it, not slowing up. Nightmare pushed off the ground with her back legs, she knew she would make it, she had to make it. She glided through the air, the feeling of freedom coursing through her veins. With a might neigh, Nightmare landed on the other side of the fence. She reared up, holding her head high.
Goliath stopped right before he reached the next jump, turning his head towards Nightmare. Right then and there, Goliath felt something he had never felt before, love. Love for the mare that had just stolen all of his attention......
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Your welcome.
Good to know.
Thanks for telling us. 
:D:D
Also, I have not been spending much time on this website lately. I don't know why, maybe it's because I joined a new rp site....or maybe I'm getting tired of it....I honestly have no clue...but I'm working on some new stories and poems.
Like I told Canis, I've been really busy lately, tests and all that school crud. I'm planning on working on it soon. I'm hoping to have it up before Christmas, sort of a present to all the fans of this story. I'm going to try to make it one of the best chapters of the series.
Thanks everybody who hasn't forgotten my stories.
~Spirit
Yes, please POST!!!!! I want to know what happens.... The thrill, the excitement, it's just one post away....
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
I WANT you to keep writing 
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
If there is anything I have said to offend you, please tell me.
ANy chance of the next part coming out soon! Its been like MONTHS!!!!
Yeah, I have to say I agree with SeraphTree. Many of your actions seem to be a tad unrealistic, and though you have a nice plot, it needs to be altered in a way that makes it sound more realistic. Most of the errors have already been taken care of, but overall I think this piece looks like it was written in a hurry. Take a bit more time to edit your work before posting; we'd rather wait a day to read a really good story than read a mediocre one now.
That said, This could definitely be good, but it needs SO MUCH MORE WORK!! really. I think that this story has tons of promise, but its far from perfect.
Can't wait for the seventh installment!
Okay.... I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but here it goes:( :
There's not very many details, and Monica and the girl who likes Nightmare are easily mixed up. You switch the voice quite a few times which make it confusing to read, and figure who is the main character. The background is rather bland too. Is it a hot day, a rainy day, a nasty inbetween day... 
The rich girl's limo pulled into the stable yard once again. This time it was followed by a red ford truck with a large horse trailer attached to the back. The girl stepped out of the car, her blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. The door of the horse trailer opened and a large horse was lead out. The horse was a Friesen. The horse wore a long red blanket across its back that said 'Goliath'. The girl scampered towards her horse, smiling. She grabbed the rope, leading her horse into the stables, right past Nightmare's stall.
Reading through this, it sounds like these people know Nightmare's temper. A stable hand would probably have taken her away, or closed her door, or whatev.
Nightmare glared at the friesen horse, neighing shrilly. The friesen horse didn't even to notice Nightmare, he just kept on walking. That made Nightmare even angrier and she kicked against the stall doors. Bill walked up to the girl and the fresien horse, grinning.
Okay, this is unrealistic. The stallion doesn't notice her, so she gets angry? It would make more sense if she tried to bite the stallion, or started pawing the door to get attention, but this anger is quite irrational.
Bill nodded his head nonchalantly, looking over Goliath. He quickly turned to look at Nightmare, the horse that would make him loads of money. Sean walked out of Darius's stall, stopping to talk to Monica and look at Goliath
???
Why would a mustang be worth so much money?
Monica just nodded, still admiring how handsome Sean was, potential boyfriend material. Sean turned and walked away, still smiling. Monica lead Goliath into his own stall and began to put his tack on. After about thirty minutes, Goliath was ready. Monica took him to the ring, mounting easily. With a quick squeeze they were off. Goliath was over the jumps so gracefullly, it was as if he had wings. Riders stared at the pair in awe, Monica made it look so simple.
WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First, THIS^^^^ is dangerous. Riding a stallion around is not something to be taken lightly. Since he is a new horse at the stable, it would be very stupid to take him into a group of other horses he doesn't know, because no one knows how either party would react. Also, I'm not sure Friesians are suited for jumping, especially this one, since he just came out of a trailer. He would probably be stiff, right?
In the stables, the blonde girl that had become rather fond of Nightmare, opened Nightmare's stall. Nightmare sped out, running straight for the ring.
NO.
This is unrealistic, very, VERY dangerous, and stupid on the girls part. Letting the mare out to antagonize the stallion... hmm....If she had any common sense, she would keep the horse in the stall, or put her to pasture to make her feel better. Frankly, I don't think the blonde would be allowed in the stable after the stunt she pulled.
Nightmare wasn't going to let this pampered, tame horse show her up. She ran towards one of the highest fences. She came before it, not slowing up. Nightmare pushed off the ground with her back legs, she knew she would make it, she had to make it. She glided through the air, the feeling of freedom coursing through her veins. With a might neigh, Nightmare landed on the other side of the fence. She reared up, holding her head high.
The mare who got angry at the stallion wants to out jump him.... I don't believe it. If anything, considering her first reaction to the stallion, she would attack him. There is no way in hay she would be thinking "I want to out jump you."
Also... This horse has an injured shoulder. Unless underneath that giant bandange is a fleshwound, that huge jump would take out her leg, and besides that, could ruin her. An unconditioned horse jumping a huge fence... no.
And um, isn't this a Mustang? Unless this is a Kiger Mustang, that horse is pretty small, and it makes the huge jump unrealistic.
Goliath stopped right before he reached the next jump, turning his head towards Nightmare. Right then and there, Goliath felt something he had never felt before, love. Love for the mare that had just stolen all of his attention......
Okay, this is too much fluff, I'm sorry. This is starting to sound like a "talking animal" kind of story, only not.
Also....
Why in the WORLD would ANYONE fall in love with a pain in the butt?? This person is saying "haha I'm better than you," and he is falling in LOVE with her????? Please, do NOT make the stallion esteem himself so low!! It seems like he would be more freaked out than in love.
Okay, to be honest, I think you could have done a lot better with this
I know you can write a lot better than this. Please edit and embellish your characters. We need to know why this horse is angry at the stallion. We don't know very much about her, and it's very hard to feel for her at all.
I'm sorry if my Crit was harsh, but I know you can write much better than this.
Nice Friesan!
Thanks!
this is so great, i love Goliath, he is so beautiful, i can see him and nightmare falling in love. i just love this story, i can tell you love horses. i cannot wait until the next chapter.thank you so much for letting me know it was posted.
awesome job.
kim
Thanks, be sure to check out the 5 parts before this one.
Interesting. I liked this piece, but maybe that's just because I'm around horses a lot. I would suggest reading through it again though. I thought at some points the wording sounded a little awkward. Other then that I enjoyed this piece. Good Job!
P.S.That horse is pretty neat ^^ I've never seen one like that.
This is what Goliath looks like: