giantslenate09

Sorry that I havent read your prologue and anything I post here has already been fixed but here we go anyway:) As I stood there, I saw the animal come ...

Hi! Welcome to YWS! I think your dialog was meh. Way too many run-ons. Almost sounded like William Shatner. Do you have the entire chapter? I think this part would ...

I enjoyed this reading. My favorite line was this: Well, okay, maybe pushing Kenna Rogers off the slide in sixth grade wasn't very nice. But I'd had a justifiable reason! ...

Short but enjoyable. I think you used "as" too many times in this prologue. I ran. I ran as far and as fast as I could. As I ran, I ...

Very well written and i enjoyed reading it, not too many mistakes i saw. I whispered comforting words to her. She tried to stand but I held her down with ...

I enjoyed reading this but i think it moved too fast. Like maybe some more dialog or even describing more of the fight instead of her gaining the upper paw. ...

But enough of riddles. My father was Icarus. Yes, the boy who flew to his death. That's the myth. The truth is that he and my grand-father lived in Crete ...

It really caught my attention and I am wondering where it might lead. I can't wait to read chapter 1! What is your chapters name? is it Bigger meanings? I ...

Consumed in shadow the creature of Mordeth stood before the High King of Men, draped in darkness,(period) a black crown sitting upon it's head, it lifted it's dark blade and ...

It seems you have mixed your There, their, and they're My feet made the stones underneath them move out of they're place as I made my way to my dads ...

The brittle stones in the creek were moving ever so softly, as it whispered secrets--deathly ones--that only it knew. You go from Plural "Stone" To 'it' i believe it should ...

I enjoyed your first chapter. It was really short though. I love how you showed how bad clara's life was with everyone making fun of her. Then the sympathy of ...

The person entered my view, he was an old man. He was carry some meat and a bowl. Do you mean "He was carrying some meat and a bowl (of ...

A really good chapter again. I was still glued to finishing this chapter. Can't wait for chapter 3. I used to be somebody important. I remember that. People used to ...

Easily the best novel I've read on this site so far. At least in the top 3. My favorite line was this: Imagine my shock when Little Balthor popped into ...