foxfire

Firstly, I like the mood being put in here and the description you had to create the ending. What I had like is the second paragraph where you made use ...

Firstly, I like the characters of the story particularly the dialogue. You had made use of using the dialogue to create a sort of relationship between them. Further more, I ...

Okay..interesting... Can you let my character die by being stabbed by a large blade that detonates to an explosion? Name's Gryk if too hard...then how about letting my character, Jungen, ...

This piece is rather curious…firstly you left an open plot here for us reader to find out like if her father divorce her mother or that she is psychologically scarred ...

Hehe…well…this one is indeed is an interesting piece…wow…now I know what you mean by different. anyway back to business…. “She bit her bottom lip, and I could hear the slight ...

Description: The paragraph, “ It was her worst nightmare. Pink everything! Pink rug, pink walls, pink bed, pink pink pink pink PINK EVERYTHING PINK! Cassandra thought she was going to ...

Dialogue: The dialogue is great. It is effective and realistic. As well, it had helped mould the character of your story, this is a very good thing you have done. ...

Comment: Firstly, what is going on? The story Is about beauty and the beast…but what is going on. Okay, firstly, the first half of the story is for me just ...

You got a very interesting concept in here Pudin..very interesting Oh as a side note, that is amazing to have that kind of dream…I had one like that but it ...

I think I know what you are doing. You are trying to write one paragraph of narrative then the second which was his thoughts. Okay that is were your problem ...

The concept is good and you started the story at an interesting point however it got somewhat lost when you mentioned the names. Firstly, we do not know which is ...

Comment: Interesting story but… you’re simply telling us various information round it. Not of it is ll true but there was not enough stuff in the actual narrative that enabled ...

Applaud, Pudin…this one was good and I like it. You gave the reader a sense of mood with the dialogue and the description between the boy and the girl. Just ...

Hey, Pudin…hope I’m not too late. Okay, firstly, the way you wrote the story was like giving telling us the various events such s early in the morning or that ...

It was a good story. I really like the last part of the story where you turned to a flashback and it was cute when both of they were laying ...