I once asked my mother what was the first lie I told. She looked at me strangely, paused only for a second, and then she softly answered,
“Hun, I asked you what you thought of daddy and his paintings. I think you said you didn’t like them. Funny thing is when I tried to take one of his paintings away; you fought and screamed with all your might. You also cried and bagged me to give it back.” She had this distant look on her face.
” Finally, after I had enough of your tantrum, I gave it back and later that evening I saw it in the trash can, beneath all the garbage.” After that that day, my mother and I didn’t talk much about my father; still don’t. I really don’t remember that happening, but I do remember the pained look she had on her face after she had finished talking.
A pause.
“So? What does that have to do with the current you?” asked my therapist. Her name is Melina Biding. She is being paid to fix me, or at least that’s the way I see it. But what’s there to fix?
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “You’re the therapist so you should know why.” I looked at her straight in the eye, daring her to give me an answer. Truth be told, I really didn’t know why I had brought up such a distant memory. She had asked if there was ever a person who had changed me, and that situation had popped up.
“Elizabeth, the idea of this session is to-“and this is the part where I zone out. I looked over to my right at the clock and checked what time it was. 2:45 in the afternoon. Fifteen more minutes until I was finally free.
“Are you listening to what I’m saying, Elizabeth?” Of course I wasn’t listening to what she was saying but I guess some people can’t tell by looking at others faces.
“Huh?” I must play dumb for now. She would just tell my mother that I needed to come back next Sunday for another session. Melina would write down other meaningless things about me in her clipboard, and then come to a reasonable conclusion as to why I draw the things I draw.
“If you want results then you must accept my help, “she sighed softly. I wanted to correct her and say it was my mother who wanted result not me. Then that would probably get me another three sessions with her, which is why I kept my mouth shut for about three seconds.
“Aren’t I supposed to tell you how I feel and then you find out what’s wrong with me,” I asked a little aggravated. To waste an hour of my life, so my mother could figure out what’s wrong with me, made me a little angry.
“Elizabeth, please try to-“she began to say but was interrupted by the timer on the clock. Finally, I was free to leave. I began to get up and grabbed my purse.
“Remember next Sunday you must come an hour earlier. I have more clients than usual next week.”I paused for a while and then looked at her. My mouth opened on its own without my consent and was let loose.
“He loved black and white paintings. That’s why I never paint with those two colors,” I really have no idea what made me say something so meaningless to her. I knew that was an error in my part, because this would probably get me a few more sessions with her, but she wanted me to accept her help. When I looked at her, she had this gentle expression and a smile on her face.
I left her office with this unsettling feeling in my stomach. I had exposed myself to her by stating such simple statements. I suddenly realized maybe my mother wasn’t the only one who wanted results.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is my first review ever, so if I say or do something wrong, will you please let me know? I don't know if there is something specific I need to say or not, so I'm just going to say what i think.
This is a really intriguing storyline so far. I like the way you don't automatically tell us her past right off the bat. It makes me much more interested in it. It makes me think 'What was past?' 'What happened to her dad?' 'What did Elizabeth do that her mother thinks she needs therapy?'
I love the start to this. You are going to write more on this, right? I like how you show her exasperation towards her therapist. I like how you start this out with a memory. It gives you a look into her past without telling you so much that you get bored. I really like this! You did a really good job.
This piece is rather curious…firstly you left an open plot here for us reader to find out like if her father divorce her mother or that she is psychologically scarred or is she just being moody in her teen years? The plot of this story is quite a bit loose. For one we know that she is in therapy sent by her mother and we know ikt is connected to her drawings which is connected to her father which is connected to herself…which is loose and the reader can interpret in various ideas. Try to solidify something like try to focus on painting or the therapy as a way to let thing fall into place.
Style:
Firstly, I like how you focus on one event which is the mother and the lie then absorbed it to the main one which is the therapy. That is great for it enabled us to get a hold of flashbacks.
Description:
Okay you have a fair description here but the problem here is expression. You tend to tell the character’s feelings rather than show it. For example, the sentence:
Of course I wasn’t listening to what she was saying but I guess some people can’t tell by looking at others faces.
In here, you told us that she wasn’t listening but you can show us her expression. For example you can write that she is staring blankly on the ceiling or that she shifted position or that she rolled her eyes. That way we can know of her expression.
Mood:
The narration brings up some kind of suspenseful mood…as if that there is something waiting to be told…(that’s me)…Through the dialogue of the therapy, the mood being displayed there is some sort of conflict and mystery because Elizabeth is hiding something from the reader which is only shown through the artworks.
Overall, it’s a curious piece and something I would love to read….Just Pm me if you need help…
This is a very intriguing piece! I like it a lot, I want to read more about this character. I want to know what happened to her father and why the character and her mother don't get along. I can't wait to read more.
A semi-colon separates two ideas, it can be replaced with a period. In this case, there is only one idea, you don't need anything here I think.
On her 'face'. Not her 'expression'.
Question mark! It's a question, after all, isn't it?
She asks a question-- thus the need for a question mark.
Overall, good job! I liked it, and was intrigued-- I want to read more. Your character does need a little work, I feel, but I think the more you write the more she'll flesh out. You only had a few grammatically problems.
Other than that, good job