flytodreams

Hey. It was a brilliant start, but there were some mistakes. Everyone who critiqued this already pointed them out though. But something was amiss... Khor felt like he had too ...

Hi, this was pretty good plot-wise. I'm really interested to see what happens to the clock. The rest of the chapters will have something to do with the clock, right? ...

After myself on the upper half of my body, I wrapped the towel around my waist and proceeded to the sink at the opposite side of the room. It was ...

"Please spare my mother" a little girl pleaded. "Please spare my mother , " a little girl pleaded. The monsters cackled evily around her. evilly, I think. The evil creatures ...

It was usual for every house to have at least one brightly coloured bird, it was a sort of tradition of the tree people, the brighter the bird, the better ...

All the others who critiqued this story got everything, so I'll just say: This is a great story! Rohsair's voice is realistic, and the pace, style and description are ace!! ...

I knew Lewis was friends with Tolkien. I read somewhere they would meet in a pub or something?? LOL, figures. Friends. Writing Geniuses. Both two of my favorite authors. :D

He was always doing this. Just because he was two years older than her did not mean that she couldn’t take care of herself. On the contrary, Cat was an ...

he said softly and leaned over, kissing her on her red-rose lips long and hard. I think 'red-rose' should be 'rose-red'. But isn't that like an overused way to describe ...

It was great! I'm sorry I can't find anything wrong with it...:( But it was nice, and I wonder what was up with the reflection that wasn't hers..:D

Yes, there is a little too much info-dumping in Sira's part. Like someone else said, show, don't tell. And try spacing out the paragraphs so it doesn't look like a ...

His mother was sat at the breakfast bar, hidden behind the newspaper. His mother sat.../His mother was sitting Once his was free of toast, he gave his mother a puzzled ...

I can't find anything to be corrected with it, except for, as everybody said: It's too short. Just post the whole chapter, or it will be hard to critique properly. ...

Almost all the sentences started with got tiring. Like everybody said. Lying between everything, night and day, light and darkness, sound and silence, and sleep and awareness. The last part ...

He kept moving, slowere steadily, making sure that his companion could keep up. 'slowere'? It was really nice, I admire the description. :)