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Re: A Boy Named "He"
I kind of like this poem. I'm a little lukewarm about it. It reminded me of the piece by Shell Silverstein called a boy named Sue-- which to me had ...
Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:21 am -
Re: Mastering an Art
I don't agree with everyone else in that I thought you had a pretty good delivery of your piece, but I didn't like the idea. Sorry if that was really ...
Tue Jan 12, 2010 4:03 am -
Re: The Lions
I really enjoyed this piece. I can't think of much else to say, it was well-written and I don't think it needs excessive punctuation, I tend to like poems that ...
Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:12 am -
Re: Specials - Chapter 1
Nitpicks: Slowly I stood up and walked drowsily toward my closet. This seems a little redundant, but maybe it's just the use of two adverbs. Try something like Slowly I ...
Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:48 am -
Re: Lost Love
His golden - like complexion, hair like fall, I read this and smiled, because my first thought was, "hair like fall? What does that even mean?" And then I remembered ...
Mon Jan 11, 2010 6:37 am -
Re: Laugh at the World
Maybe my head is screwed on backwards, but I totally get this. The narrator is talking directly to us, right? And then he's telling us about his woes. From that ...
Mon Jan 11, 2010 2:28 am -
Re: Vulnerable
Constantly feeling the same; vulnerable and hopeless. Like your soul isn’t even there. Your body is moving, but you mind is trapped in the past. So oblivious, but when you ...
Mon Jan 11, 2010 2:21 am -
Re: Reg Carter: Deep Cover Chapt. 1 (Strong Language)
Okay, I thought I reviewed this but.. I guess not. :/ I read it, at any rate. Random Nitpicks/ Things that annoy me “Well, Mr. Fuck you, if you don’t ...
Mon Jan 11, 2010 1:51 am -
Re: Love is a Fools Game
This..uncontrolled disaster of disire desire The cresant moon fills your heart with sadness crescent Those eyes of his, once so loving Now tearing away at your heart, mind, and soul ...
Mon Jan 11, 2010 1:13 am -
Re: americano
I really like this poem; it had that sad, nostalgic feel to it, about a guy whose ideas and visions seem to not fit the changing world. I also liked ...
Sun Jan 10, 2010 10:32 pm -
Re: I Love Fruit
I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be a random, spasmodic, whimsical piece about fruit. And I felt it did have a sort of choppy, innate rhythm to it. I ...
Sun Jan 10, 2010 10:01 pm -
Re: The Ending.
I understand the bit about jumping off the cliff, but why does the person in question cut themselves with a shard of glass? I understand that it's something you do ...
Sun Jan 10, 2010 9:51 pm -
Re: Writting~ all of you should know what i am talkign about
I agree that instead of giving us a laundry list of traits, you should try instead to personify those things with simile, metaphor, and personification. Or at least throw images ...
Sun Jan 10, 2010 9:46 pm -
Re: Obamacratic Win
Hello. I have to say I'm a sucker for acrostic poems and Obama, so when you put the two together, well... That's pretty fabulous. You have some slightly forced lines, ...
Sun Jan 10, 2010 9:27 pm -
Re: Dark Poetry
Dark oblivian stares cruely back at me. White powder snow covers chokes, smothers, stifles... the ground in a deadly blanket I understand it's a twist on "blanket of snow" but ...
Sun Jan 10, 2010 9:12 pm
