My name is “He”,
and I’m 33,
and growing up was tough for me.
I’ve been forced to answer
“Where is He?” and “How is He?”
and “He is in a lot of trouble”.
My name, I think,
was some practical joke,
(my parents were high school pranksters)
I try to ask why,
but all they say
is “We love you, and that’s all that matters”.
All I can say that I understood
were whispers from the halls
of that monstrous high school building;
“He is strange”
“He ain’t normal”
“He’s dangerous” and “He didn’t hear”
I should say I’m amazed
I’ve survived with a name like “He”,
and now I have a wife and child
and educational degrees
proving no one cares
what your name is,
only who it means.
So as I lift
my daughter named “She”
into her booster seat,
I know it’ll be a hard lesson to learn,
but she’ll be glad she did,
like me.
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
I kind of like this poem. I'm a little lukewarm about it. It reminded me of the piece by Shell Silverstein called a boy named Sue-- which to me had the same message, just differently worded.
Ok, some nitpicks
eliminate the is. Because I said so. (Trust me, it flows better.)
That's it for nitpicks. The poem is a little too rough for my taste, I guess. Good idea, though.
good luck and keep writing,
Empress
Wow Howler I agree with the others that this was very unique. I loved how you incorporated his name into another person (his daughter's) life. This lesson that some one would actually learn is interesting to think about. I agree with Cheesy though if you are going to try to get it published in a literary magazine I'd take out the "cuz" or change it to 'cause. So it's still shortened but it isn't incorrect.
~peanut~
Impressing..just WOWWWW ....
Hi there Howler,
This was truly a very impressing poem, in my opinion. The topic? Unique. The writing? Good. The message? Fantastic.
The last two lines were most definitely my favorite, it left an echoing ending message that I am absolutely in love with. I really think this is very good, and unique. I love a new sense of writing and this brought it for sure.
The message was also good, and I think it can relate to just about anyone. Young or old, girl or boy, happy or sad, you get the jist.
However, I do agree with June. The way you seemed to stop at some parts and continue on with a new line was slightly bothersome. It seemed to jerk off the flow making me frown the slightest. For example you used 'and' and then 'and' in the next line for a one word. Maybe it is something that only some readers are aware of and dislike, not all.
If I were you I would fix the flow a bit due to that part.
Overall though: Love it.
Star for sure.
-JD
Hey, Howler!
Welcome aboard the nuthouse that is YWS!
What a clever idea for a poem! I really like this -- it's wonderful and short and totally clever, but I think I said that already. My only complaint is that your enjambment-- where you cut and ebb your lines-- is a little iffy and kind of halts and jerks the poem a little awkwardly whereas I feel you could reconstruct it to be a little more fluent! But, that's my opinion, and sometimes my opinion doesn't make sense, so if it doesn't make sense to you feel free to TOTALLY disregard it, because it's probably not really that important anyway because half the stuff I say isn't important.
And that was a total run on. But! I like this alot. Two thumbs up and a highfive; keep writing.
June
great idea, very unique
Hi, I'm Grin.
Okay, the idea behind this was excellent, and I love this thing you have that makes us think about how we refer to people. And I loved it on the whole, but there are things you could change. Little things, like grammar and punctuation, but things nonetheless.
You could make this flow a little more. The rhythm seems kind of forced, although that could just be me. And I have a problem with words like "cuz". I'm a grammar freak, so that could be my problem. But I think if you got rid of "cuz" and made the line "my parents were high school pranksters" that would be an improvement. Now I won't go through every little thing, but it's just the bits like that.
I love the idea, though, and it's the sort of poem that my Lit teachers would make us analyze for practice. (That's a good thing, I promise. I just mean that it seems to have a very deep sort of meaning.
Thanks for posting this, I really enjoyed it.
Hope I helped
~Grin
Love the idea! Very original. I like how it comes full circle. Kind of makes me wonder what his parents were named, lol.
I don't have much in the way of constructive criticism. There's nothing that really pops out at me that you might want to fix or improve. I can tell you that it is refreshing to see something new and original in the forums, though. I don't think I've ever read a poem quiet like this. Points for the idea, if nothing else.
Luck!
Dreamer
That was really amazing! I love not only the beautiful way you conveyed everything, but the uniqueness of the idea. This is a truly impressive poem for which I will give you... a gold star!!! Seriously, it was awesome. My favorite part definitely had to be the very last stanza. It carried such a great meaning and was definitely not what I expected when I started reading (I had been expecting something a lot more resentful). It was almost like a slap in the face (although definitely much more pleasant!). Really fantastic job!!!
~Becki
Where did you get the idea for this peom from? Its beautiful! It leaves you wondering 'is his name really he or is it just clever trickery?' Gold star!
And the ending verse is my favourite, because it ahs a lot of meaning, because you aren't just explaining that your name doesn't matter, you are explaining that who you are is what matters 