elephantwalrus

Hey, welcome to YWS! I'm River, and I like to edit things. Just so you know, there are a couple of rules here at YWS, one being that you edit ...

This chapter is better than the first one. Kudos! The biggest problem that I saw in this piece was that there was a lot of telling about what the MC ...

I'm not incredibly impressed with this piece; you can do better if you put more effort into it. My suggestions are as follows: 1. Listen to everyone who already posted ...

Well, Fandilocks already got most of the nit-picks, but there was one glaring thing that I can't ignore: this isn't a sonnet. It has the rhyme scheme of the Shakespearean ...

Sapphire covered all the bases in her review, and I agree with what she said. My biggest suggestion would be watch your words; sometimes you use surreal words (ex: glaze, ...

Hello! First off, I'd like to say that you have nice diction and nice imagery in this poem. I think this is the first time I've ever had to say ...

For the most part, I agree with the people who have posted before me. I wanted to compliment you on your rhyme; it sets a good tone, and it doesn't ...

Exodus We have not deserted our bloodied, beloved city. The gods have deserted us, The repeat of "deserted" is no good. Use word variety; it will make the poem more ...

When I first read this poem, I didn't think it was about a relationship; I thought it was about smoking :) . Obviously, I was wrong. I guess the line ...

My biggest problem with this song is that it doesn't have a clear theme. Usually the chorus best embodies the theme of the song, but in your case, the chorus ...

This is pretty good! My only suggestion would be to watch the forced rhymes (ie: tide?). I can hear that it fits a melody, though. Good job! Sorry that I'm ...

Wow...I'm going to be Captain Obvious: this is a sad story :( . I loved it, though. It was captivating, and your story telling skills are awesome. My only suggestion: ...

This is wonderful! I love the chilling voice of the narrator, the simple horror of his mission, and the ample amount of mystery that the reader is left with. You ...

The main problem with this plot (and it happens in a lot in romance fiction) is that the plot is cliche. Sometimes a writer can deal with cliche, just to ...

I think this is a well structured paragraph, but I don't think it will fit very well into a story. It's a good glimpse of a thought that you've had, ...