WARNING: the following is cheesy...read at ones on risk..
I hate the way i cringe when some one speaks your name
i hate the way you drive me postivily insane
When people speak highly of you makes me want to vomit
i wish to send you far away on a big 'ole comet
I hate the way i cant rely on you to do a simple task
like drive me to my friends house, i learned now not to bother to ask
But the most of all i hate the way that no one
hates you as well
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
I liked your poem. The only thing that may have been cheesy is that almost every line rhymed...wait maybe all of them did. *scrolls to top of screen to look* Alright, they don't all rhyme, but it almost got on my nerves. It makes me think that your trying to rhyme more than you are trying to get your point across. (Though I know your not. I used to have the stepmother from hell, luckilly my dad is officially divorced tomorrow!!!!)
Other than the rhyming I found your poem very expressive. I like how you give some of your reasons for hating her!
" I hate the way i cant rely on you to do a simple task
like drive me to my friends house, i learned now not to bother to ask" It helps the reader understand why. For a vent poem that was very good!
First off, the post to review ratio is 1:2... So get out there are review something!
You need to capitalize I's and use proper punctuation (like periods and commas).
Positively is misspelled in the first stanza.
'I learned now not to bother to ask' should be 'I've learned now not to bother and not to ask' or something along those lines.
The last sentence is a problem spot as well. In the rules I believe it said something about beginning sentences with 'and' or 'but'. That is also not the place to use 'as well'. Perhaps 'The thing I hate most of all, is that no one hates you the way I do', or something. I don't know. It needs some revising and editing, but it could be a great poem.
Oh, just to let you know I believe the rules are that you need to make two reviews for every story you post. Anyway, your poem did turn out well that they said. The only thing is I think you should capiltilize your I's when refering to yourself.
Cheesy this poem might have been, but it worked out well, which was a surprise...
Honestly, the rhyming scheme was what made this piece great. The simplicity of the piece might irritate some people, but it didn't bother me...
All in all not a bad start. Hope to see more from you in the future.
Hey, welcome to YWS! I'm River, and I like to edit things. Just so you know, there are a couple of rules here at YWS, one being that you edit at least two other pieces of work before posting a piece of your own; that way every one's work gets thoroughly reviewed. Second is make sure that everything you write is in proper grammar (otherwise, people go a little crazy
). Third, it is imperative that you make cookies for the moderators. 
Just kidding...though I wish I had a cookie, even though I'm not a moderator...
That's really pensive for me...wow. 
Rhyme isn't a bad thing; if you can have rhythm and rhyme, great, but if you only want to choose one, choose rhythm. It rocks.
PM me if you have any questions!
Well, I assume this was a vent poem, correct? If so, the venting has been done.
If you are planning on taking this poem beyond a vent poem to a better poem, I would suggest choosing rhythm over rhyme. A solid rhythm will direct a reader all the way to the end of the poem, while a solid rhyme only directs a reader to the end of a line.
Also, for grammar's sake, capitalize all your "I"s. If not, someone will eventually chew you out.
Praise: for a vent poem, it's very understandable. My vent poems are always a weird collaboration of big words and tear drops.
River