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Never one from another, always a pair, and never a single. For this all I have to say is that the last bit sounded a tad awkward. I don't really ...

Sigh, shout, song, noise of a passing car, voice, echo, quiver I just thought that noise of a passing car placed before voice, echo, quiver, didn't mesh quite right. It ...

For example: Twelve is I'm in love but I'm undreamed of .

Definately liking it! There were a few errors, but not many and all were minor. “I said who are you?” He snapped and crouched down in front of me. I ...

I disagree with what was said about not making this your prologue. It could be a little longer,however and have a tad more detail about the character's background and such. ...

Well, nothing to correct that hasn't already been corrected! I loved it! Gave me shivers, goosebumps, which is just what I look for in a story. Well done!! :elephant:

I inpart agree with The New Hero, try adding a bit more of yourself... It was very good to read though! I enjoyed it and smiled the whole way through ...