Untitled

Before I met you,
My life is so different
The skies are dark
Flowers didn't bloom
Everyone's so gloomy
It is always like this
Loneliness, grudges
This is what I feel

But in an instance,
You entered my dark and cruel world
You came without hesitation
Your smile changed darkness to light
When I'm with you,
Flowers became as beautiful as the sun
You changed everything

I smiled a lot
I forget my past
And I faced the future
With you, I'm sure
You'll be here
Always in my world

Comments & reviews · 4
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Beautiful poem. There are somethings you could change and add though. Since the person has already came into your life you need to make it past tense. Also, maybe you could put a little more about the person in it.

Before I met you,
My life is#FF0000 ">(was) so different
The skies are#FF0000 ">(were) dark
Flowers didn't bloom
Everyone's so#FF0000 ">(Everyone was so gloomy gloomy
It is(was) always like this
Loneliness, grudges#FF0000 ">Iffy spot here. Make sure it flows.
This#FF0000 ">Take our this put in are for is is what I feel.

But in an instance,
You entered my dark and cruel world
You came without hesitation
Your smile changed darkness to light
When I'm with you,
Flowers became as beautiful as the sun
You changed everything #FF0000 ">Love this stanza!

I smiled a lot
I forget#FF0000 ">(forgot my past
And I faced the future
With you, I'm sure
#FF0000 ">Add something here to transition
You'll be here
Always in my world

User avatar
eldEr
Review
eldEr wrote a review · Mon Mar 22, 2010 7:17 pm

I inpart agree with The New Hero, try adding a bit more of yourself... It was very good to read though! I enjoyed it and smiled the whole way through it :wink:

User avatar
LookUpThere
Review

Heya! I'd just like to say this was a very nice poem, but not necessarily above average. It's not very personal, any person could take this and use it as their own without any editting. Try and put yourself in the poem and unique aspects of the "light" that no one elses "light" would have. Otherwise, well done.



There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
— William Shakespeare