dragonfphoenix

Okay, that was descent but there's definitely room for improvement. There were some Grammar things, like omitted words, shifts in verb tense (very early on), and so on and so ...

I feel like this is a poem of rebirth, and yet it's just so short! I don't know if you could fit this into the poem, but is Ostara spring, ...

Interesting, but I have a few questions. Who are these Lords? At times I felt like the main character was doing good to clean up the world, but then you ...

Um...okay. Well, I was okay with it until you shifted, majorly shifted, from her being at school to being at home (or coming home) without any segue at all. No ...

First off, I thought that cussing those people out was detrimental. You chewed them out just fine, but the language is a turn off that deafens their ears to the ...

Wow. That was a good beginning. I loved all the description, and you really drove the point home on the key factor, her trusting "them" that caused her punishment. But ...

How to begin? Well, your writing style left me feeling like I knew what was going on, as in what was actually being described, and totally in the dark as ...

Very cool poem. I liked the concept, and the metaphors you used. You definitely nailed the inner longing of every human to give their life some sort of spiritual meaning. ...

This is definitely a prologue, not a first chapter. I don't mean to tell you what to do with your own writing, but this seriously is not how actual chapters ...

Very interesting poem. But when I finished, I felt like you hadn't really answered the question posed in the third segment (? I'm not very familiar with poetry terminology). I ...

After glancing through the current comments, I'm going to leave off reiterating the need for more description. With your plot, I finished this feeling very...disinterested, dissatisfied, and confused