The fresh buds break free
of the melting snow.
As the trees grow tall and great
I feel renewed and complete.
The birds sing and the flowers bloom,
the world is born again in this spring.
God and Goddess rejoice!!
For Ostara has come!
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,854 Reviews
Knight Malachi here to review on this crazily awesome Review Day.
So this poem is really pretty, and I really like how you described the natural beauty of everything. The previous two reviews cover all the problems and errors there are, so I'll just stick with telling you how nice I think this poem is.
The fresh buds break free
of the melting snow.
I really like both of those lines. Especially the one about the snow melting. I really love and enjoy the outdoors, so this was a fun and enjoyable poem to read. Good job.
Keep it up!
Happy Review Day!!!!
Hey
Okay I am going to be very straight forward in this review so please don't mind!
The formatting should be like this:
"The fresh buds break free
of the melting snow.
As the trees grow tall and great
I feel renewed and complete.
The birds sing and the flowers bloom,
the world is born again in this spring.
God and Goddess rejoice!!
For Ostara has come!"
Commentary:
The poem was nice and I enjoyed reading it. I felt the need of elongating it but anyways this length is fine too!
I don't know who Ostara is so I would like to ask you to explain it to me a little if you don't mind!
Also your punctuation and grammar were amazing so hey good job!
Umaima
Hi! I'm Hightop, here to review!
The world is born again in every spring, is it not? I think "this spring" isn't exactly necessary because you already showed it to us with your imagery!
I don't think you need the extra exclamation mark. Grammatically, it's incorrect, and I think you were trying to be on point with your grammar in this poem.
Also, in your description you said this was a pagan related poem. See the problem with saying that is that Paganism is a blanket term. There are lots of different religions filed under the word 'pagan'. I think you should be more specific. If I were to wager a guess, I would say this is more related to Wicca or Druidism.
Nit picks over, onto content!
As Gummy said, you did a great job at bringing nature into this poem. It was well written, I would have liked to see some word variation in this poem. Otherwise, you did a good job!
-Hightop
Gummy here, and I am here to review~!
Only 8 lines, and yet I see so much life in this poem! From what I've read, Ostara is a Wiccan festival held at the Spring Equinox (March 21st, if I recall correctly). I feel like this poem could be a total hit if it were just a bit longer, though, as there's not really much room to squeeze literary devices in if there are only 8 lines in the whole thing. Overall, what really caught my eye was the amount of imagery in this piece, and I really expect to see more from you.
Keep up the good work, and keep raising the bar while you're at it! This is Gummy, signing out.
I feel like this is a poem of rebirth, and yet it's just so short! I don't know if you could fit this into the poem, but is Ostara spring, or is it just a term for rebirth? But to reiterate, I feel like this needs more description of the trees and such. If you did that, the poem would grow a little longer, and it would flesh out it a good way. Try dumping as many sentences as you can, containing as many ideas as you can come up with, and then condense into a poem you feel satisfied with that captures the 'essence' of the poem.
Hope this helps!
I like this
I don't know much about pagan eligion, and I'm not sure about your intent on the length of this, but if you're open to requests, maybe you could describe a little more. Like, how do the trees seem tall? Like towers stretching dearly towards the heavens? Stuff like that.
Also, are you basing this poem on something? Like other poems of these gods?