dragonfphoenix

Well, that was an interesting beginning. Technicalities first, though. You have way too many run on it's like you don't even know, when a sentence ends and when it's time ...

Well, this actually wasn't half bad. It wasn't until the middle paragraph that I had a major reading 'bump in the road.' "I made two new friends..." is the sentence. ...

Interesting idea. I liked how you gave yourself a set of words you had to include, and fit them really well into the poem. And then I liked the analogy ...

Okay, this is really rough. I don't mean in the stage of writing; I mean reading wise. Second sentence is awkward, just doesn't feel right. Third sentence, after that second ...

Three words. Oh. My. Stars. That was amazing. I loved this! You had good technique, nothing grammatically wrong screaming in my ear the whole time from a major typo or ...

That was a mess. Really, a total mess. You need to pick one Point of View and stick with it, or make it abundantly clear that there are TWO PoVs ...

Okay, first of all your prologue is way too short (and typo-ed; you need to put the U behind the G). Also, you need to fix your spacing. There should ...

That was a very...interesting story. You had some good, you had some bad [quality wise]. Here's where I see the biggest issue with your story (technical details aside): you're trying ...

I shall leave the Grammar alone (due to the fair warning). But on that note it actually wasn't that bad. And I thought your descriptions were good at masking what ...

All right, technical details first. In your first sentence, the verb should be 'lay' not 'lie'. Also, several times throughout [don't remember specifically where] you had comma splices, which should ...

Okay, two...okay, maybe a few things. First off, I don't know why this is, but the first two paragraphs just didn't engage me. I don't know why, but they didn't. ...

This was a descent prologue, but it left me feeling very...unsure what exactly the old man's stories are. Sure, it's supposed to be about paranormal, but what kinds of paranormal? ...

I'm not a huge poetry person, but I felt kind of lost on how the title relates to the poem itself. Your poem was great, especially the first part, and ...

Well, as an avid fan of ATLA [who felt totally stupid for not realizing that's what it stood for after having read the acronym's meaning previously], I found this very ...

This was descently written, and the plot is interesting, but I have two things to recommend. 1) that you use less of italics, or less of [I] italics . 2) ...