There was a time where paranormal beings were not just that of myth and legend; a time where stories were whispered around campfires and in the square on market days. Josiah Wilson was popular in all circles and his stories entertained both children and adults. A noble of the town would pass by a group of commoners huddled around him, and although he looked down on the people who were listening to the stories told he too soon became hooked by the words. People may have been intrigued by his stories but that would not stop the speculation that he was not telling the entire truth as he had so confidently said at the beginning. Perhaps there was doubt because he claimed to have been there to see it all when no one else had.
Everyone would huddle around as the night closed in. The bitter cold had been long forgotten as they were captivated by his every word. All eyes were trained on him.
“It was long before your time and I had only just begun to understand the world around me. Then something happened that turned my views completely upside down. They came. Out of nowhere it seemed and they brought the darkness with them. Their emotionless stares and the malice in their voices gave us enough reason to fear them. People disappeared, money was lost and the whole world was sent into despair. We instantly knew that if they decided to take power we would not be able to stop them. That wasn’t a chance we were going to take and so as predicted a war broke out. We picked up our swords in preparation to fight but then they just disappeared.”
Only the children would have enough courage to ask the crooked old man what was on everyone’s mind. “But sir, where did they go?” He would peer out from behind his long grey hair as he smoked a pipe. An unamused laugh would escape his weathered lips.
“That is just it children... we simply don’t know.”
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Alright, that's an interesting little concept there, I'm not a hundred percent certain exactly where this is headed here, but it looks like we've got a pretty interesting idea here, a sense of what looks to be mythical monsters that are perhaps not as false as they first appear or something along those lines. Towards the end of the paragraph there, it is a little bit awkward there.
OKay, well, we switch a bit of cold imagery and such here...that's an interesting turn there...it looks like we're about to see a bit of spooky tale here on a cold night, lovely bit of setting that you establish here to set the scene for what's to happen here.
Hmm, well as far as spooky tales go, that one is kind of rushed, I feel like it doesn't quite have the impact that it could have cause it feels like its being smushed a bit there into a single paragraph but the idea behind there is definitely pretty mysterious which is always good for a nice spooky tale.
Okay, well, it ends on a nice chilling sounding cliffhanger there, that makes for a nice end to the prologue, so...all in all, I'd say this is an okay prologue, that spooky tale could perhaps be a bit more drawn out, but the setting you create is nice and for the most part this is a pretty decent prologue here. Overall, it seems like a story I'd read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey Slade! I'm going to do a quick review. Here goes.
[i]There was a time where paranormal beings were not just that of myth and legend; a time where stories were whispered around campfires and in the square on market days.[i]
I think the 'wheres' should be 'whens'.
As far as typos and what not, that's all I have.
Now then, you have definitely caught my interest. I would like the anecdote to be a bit more descriptive. The best story-tellers give all of the gritty details. Don't leave the readers hanging too much, give them something to ask questions about. What were these things? How did they disappear? (Note: you don't have to tell us exactly how, but just enough how to leave us in awe.) That's a hard thing to do, but don't sweat it.
Keep writing! I want to read more.
This was a descent prologue, but it left me feeling very...unsure what exactly the old man's stories are. Sure, it's supposed to be about paranormal, but what kinds of paranormal? He doesn't say anything but 'they', and I'm sure if you showed us more of his conversation we'd be able to figure that out. And maybe read through his first conversation again, out loud, and see how it feels in your mouth. People don't normally talk like that, especially (stereotyping for effect here) 'crazy old geezers'. So maybe just give him a little character and distinct personality, but other than that this was fine. Good job on your writing.
This is an intriguing beginning! I want to know more. Your writing is fluent and fun to read and your prologue is a good fishhook to pull people in. I like the idea of your storyteller. There is one tiny suggestion I've got, however; italicize the word "They" in your sentence "They came." This adds to the drama and will REALLY snag the reader's attention! Anyway, I enjoyed your prologue and look forward to reading more!
Creepy sounding story. well written, you hooked me to it. I'll look forward to the next chapter.