dragonfphoenix

Okay, flow issues mainly. The first line of the second stanza is a little long, and that threw off the flow of that stanza. And the second line of the ...

All right, here goes. "Her hair hanging burnt auburn over her small petite shoulders. Her body fit and ready for a fight, little does she know someone watches her, silently ...

Gr...punctuation made this difficult to read. And a lot of the sentences were unnecessarily or confusingly wordy. Such as this one, near the beginning "She read with such a smooth ...

All right, some minor things. "She felt a rough shove into her back"; she felt a rough what? I think you left out "hand" or something like that. And another ...

Okay, minor things first. You need to check your spelling, punctuation, and spacing. There are times where the next sentence is jammed right up against the period of the preceding ...

I'm torn between telling you things you already know, such as the off-beat flow and slightly mismatched stanzas, and just leaving it alone. I almost think that most of these ...

Um...okay, here goes. I liked how you kept to the analogy of the church bells striking with each shot. Very nice touch. Your line lengths, not so much. It started ...

I must say that when I read the title, I read it and had a major face-palm moment, thinking you meant something negative about science. I now realize my mistake ...

All right, major notes of worth. First of all, I wasn't expecting a second person narrative. I'm not a huge fan of them (I feel very presumptuous telling people what ...

Okay, I liked how you decided to pick a pretty mundane thing to speak about, and the first stanza was pretty good. But then with the second stanza you ended ...

Hm...interesting poem. Let me say this: since you don't want to change anything, then I won't recommend you change the rhythm. I felt like it was a little off, especially ...

Very interesting writing. I feel like there could be a little more descriptions than there are, such as what the room looked like (as far as any unusual objects besides ...

Third time this will be echoed. The rhythm is really off in this poem. I liked how you explored the emotion and motion of a romantic relationship, and one person's ...

Um...I'm confused. What's this poem supposed to mean? It felt like you were writing something dirty just for the sake of its dirtiness. I'm really confused. Something just felt off ...

Okay...hm. How do I say this? The wording and word choice at times felt choppy. You have a ton of comma splices, sentences shouldn't be joined together like this one ...