Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
It’s sad how a simple little word can end a life. How a meek gesture can kill. Will the world ever change?
“Fuck off you cow!”
He had taken her bag, tossed it in the mud. The wet dirt had sloshed over her jeans. By now they had her surrounded.
“You act tough, you slut, but how do you like this?”
She felt a rough shove into her back, and her face met the puddle. She felt the cool liquid squish across her lips, and she spat it away as she climbed to her feet. Her arms were then pinned behind her back by firm hands. The intruder of her personal space loomed over her.
“What the fuck is this all about?”
“I’m getting pretty sick of your shit, whore, spreading rumours around the school about me.” The wind played with his dark brown hair, and he smirked.
“What rumours?”
He slapped her then. Pretty hard too. She could already feel her face going red, her black hair trailing past the pale mark of his hand print.
“That I slept with you?”
“I haven’t said any shit about you!”
“Lies!” He punched her in her gut, and she keeled over in pain. For a bad few seconds, she couldn’t breathe. Then her lungs expanded and the oxygen gushed inside.
“What the fuck you dick?” she choked, still clutching her gut. He then kicked her in the groin, which hurt more then she expected, she dropped to her knees. For the next five minutes, which felt like an eternity, they continued to bash, crash and smash the hell out of her. They disappeared soon after, running like the true cowards they were.
After that time, she swore she had many broken ribs, and broken nose, and blood was gushing from the areas that didn’t bruise.
She grabbed her bag, for some reason, and painfully trudged home.
Once she was there, she cut, deep, into her pale skin. She pulled out half of her hair, until it was thinner than ever. She hit herself in the gut, then looked at herself in the mirror.
Like blood, the words leaked from the mirrors edge.
Freak. Loser. Fat. Stupid. Slut. Whore. Worthless. Waste.
The words rang in her ears. Voices that at first whispered and then grew in enormity until it could surly be heard in space.
And then everything was silent.
Her blood dripped to the floor.
And then the words hit her like a broken light bulb.
Kill yourself.
She had been pondering it for weeks, but was it the right thing to do?
Yes. She would.
The noose was ready, already tight around her neck. She was in the shed, her family all asleep, no nightmares tormenting them like they did her.
She kicked the chair out from under her.
And felt herself attempt a gasp. But her throat was tight.
She couldn’t breathe.
She just dangled.
And dangled.
Tears rolling down her cheeks.
And then the light faded from her beautiful blue eyes.
I want you to hear this from someone who has tried to kill herself before. No matter what you think, people care. Don’t take your own life when there is help out there. Please. Because deep down, people will be hurt. And you, are worth a life. ~ Lee
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there, thehotinpsychotic here to review!
So, some little mistakes are at "What the fuck you dick?" You should put a comma in between fuck and you, otherwise it interrupts the flow of the story. "It hurt more than she expected, she dropped to her knees." This should be separate sentences, as they aren't really connected. You could keep them like that by replacing the comma with a semicolon. "Surly could be heard in space". *surely. I feel like she should've considered killing herself some more; she hardly thinks about it. I feel like you should've talked a lot more about her thoughts before and during it, which could've really made it more dramatic and effective.
Not a bad piece though, and such a serious topic to write about. You pulled it off.
Thank you all so much! My goal here was to tell a story and make people know that bullying isn't right, I believe that everyone is special and should not have to go through such pain.
Again, thank you, all, I've never had so many kind reviews XD ~Lee
I love this story. Usually, I would never want to read something that mentions suicide, as the topic troubles me. This is a perfect example of how bullying is. I really enjoy the fact that it isn't a cheesy scenario, like the kind adults give you. It shows the neglection that tricks the girl into thinking the world would be a better place without her. The beautiful blue eyes part puts such a lovely hint of irony since it shows the reader there is something good about the girl. Continue the great work! And put an end to bullying!
Thank you!!
I absolutely love this. I've been diagnosed with severe depression myself not from bullying oe abuse but this really captures the feeling of a girl who's been through a lot.To tell you the truth I almost cried because of this.You made me feel like I was there watching the whole thing.This story is amazing.I think you're a great writer and immediately after this I'm going to follow you.
Thanks for the follow and kind words!
I loved this. It definitely demonstrates the hurt and the pain that a neglected young woman feels. I wish there had been some paragraph structure. I also would have liked to know the name of the boy. Using the pronouns in the beginning made it difficult for me to discern who was doing what. The other thing I'm curious about, was what her family did to her that also put her over the edge. I loved the last sentence. "And then the light faded from her beautiful blue eyes." It made me tear up. It was such a simple, elegant and gorgeous ending to such a complex story full of hurt and pain.
I look forward to reading your other stories
Thank you so much!!!
All right, some minor things. "She felt a rough shove into her back"; she felt a rough what? I think you left out "hand" or something like that. And another question. You say she's surrounded, but by how many, and who? All I know is that there's at least two people. Last story thing: "which hurt more then she expected", the "then" should be "than". On your little shout-out, the last sentence could do without that comma. But good job, and keep up the good work.
Thanks!!
To LeeOz,
This is ... an amazing piece of text (I know, poor choice of words but ... I don't know how else to put it, because "story" doesn't quite fit) I can feel the sadness and the hurt there too. I can understand the thoughts and the pain as well, and it is a shame that things like this really do happen.
Though, constructive critique here ^^, maybe use full stops where a comma is. Comma's don't need to be used excessively (don't worry I had the exact same problem!)
But other than that, it's great!! And I love the word choices (hope that isn't a wrong thing to say ...)
And you're right: no matter what people think, there is always someone that loves and cares for you.
Thank you!!
You're welcome ^^