deleted6

Many a common problem in writing poetry, is telling us, rather than showing us, letting us see. It really doesn't have anything memorable, I hoped with a title like that ...

You've some very interesting and amazing poetry, and the simplicity, you make it worthwhile, while others choose more personal, you rather go with nature. The beauty the wonderful and invigorating ...

Wow it's very verbose, but rather than help here, it has a detrimental and killing effect. For in this jungle of imagery and metaphors, people leave with a headache and ...

I think without the final stanza it's already quite political, but along the lines of originality, no. Let me show you a song by one of my fave bands, Anti-Flag: ...

Well glad to see ya're listening to us. Okay, I agree it bored me after a few lines, poetry should show. You choose a rather weak word choice and even ...

I like the rhyming it gives it a sense of innoccence, I can't see anything, but the river is shown most beautifully. Really it's just well worded and is almost ...

Um... this bored me, no offence, sure ya weren't planning it, but god it was all tell, no show. You just basically tell us a story. Which just seems so ...

Short poetry can sometimes work, but here, it's lost because you don't make it very clear, I love the last line so work on expanding this a bit. To increase ...

First thing I noticed, if ya wanna emphasise something, never ever, put it all in caps. It looks untidy and unprofessional. You're right about the names, can't ya just write ...

Hmm, when I first read I was thinking navelgazing, but you involved us and I found I couldn't hate this poem. It was so beautiful and well written. It's very ...

Pure navelgazing, and it's quite cliche, you should instead show us, don't tell! Guh... Because until you do, I'll keep saying the same thing. Until you learn to remedy these ...

Walking, (Comma not full stop) Through the warm August woods (August is a Month, please capitalise it) trees blocking the light. (Too telly, make it more poetic sounding.) Down the ...

Rory, I believe right now, you concentrate on too many ideas, which doesn't let any of them be developed that great. My suggestion is you limit yourself to one or ...

Okay, off the bat, I'm half asleep here, and you seem to be saying look at me. All caps, just hurts so much. Guh... I tried to read it, I ...

Hmm, when I read the first stanza I thought oh my god... it's so telling, but after that I was pleasantly suprised, so to echo the rest I say cut ...