I agree with Gahks and Vernon. You have a loosely bound poem around the theme of (life?) protrayed through a well-worn image of walking through a forest. I want to give it to your straight, because I think if you take our criticisms away it will improve your writing and make you better equipped to structure this poem. The imagery is cliched, the overall layout is rather dull however I do quite like this last line:
And I can stare the sun in the eye.
Right now, it's a jumble of un-energetic sentences where nothing is resloved.
Hope and Best wishes,
Eimear
Points: 1075
Reviews: 344
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