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  • Novel / Chapter » Fanfiction, General Re: Mutants Chap 1

    Hmm, I love the X-men. You have an idea not bad but ya do have a habit of telling rather than showing you do bring out the character well for ...

    Apr 29, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Little Stages

    Stuff like this should be confined to blogs or journals. As it most definitly navelgazing. It's all telling and give us no real reason to care. Plus how can one ...

    Apr 29, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: The Point To Silly Dreams

    Though I really like this. It's a rant, a verbose rant but still a rant. You should instead not tell us this show it. I love these two stanzas: The ...

    Apr 29, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: How Not To Make a Human

    Wow Bob! Just wow... You manage to use technical terms so exellently. Capturing religion and life in a controversial and 21st Century work. You really have done a brilliant job. ...

    Apr 29, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Notes on a Plane Crash

    Damn... it's been taken off. This was abstract but it didn't bore me instead I read each bit and eventually got the picture. This is really great Bob. I really ...

    Apr 29, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: To The Stars

    Intresting rather abstract in some places not necessarily a bad thing. It didn't keep my interest in that I loved it. It's got skill though. Though you could maybe explain ...

    Apr 29, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: His

    Not much time. I like how ya let us into the scene through a little navelgazing. You really bring the emotion and feeling alive. It's not original so to speak ...

    Apr 29, 2008
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: StoweAway #4

    Hmm... oddly enough my opinion changed on this. You tell far too much rather than showing. It's a great chapter but you tell us all rather than showing. You also ...

    Apr 28, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: The Broken -- Chapter Two

    Jeeze Jono, I'm so sorry no one said this. You keep my interest and you flesh out Leo better. It's extremely intresting I'm really curious about what's going on. Leo ...

    Apr 28, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: The Broken -- Chapter One

    You really hooked me with this peice never once did I wonder if it was any longer I loved it. You do everything exellent trickling the details in the only ...

    Apr 28, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Child

    This is truly creepy it very intresting how ya get into his mind and what he see's. Really it's super creepy... super... Overall: This earns a star but god so ...

    Apr 28, 2008
  • Other » General, General Re: The Day The Music Died

    This seems a nice idea, but not enough to comment on. You should give us more from right now this seems more like a prologue. I've never heard of the ...

    Apr 28, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: My First Suitor

    You had an exellent rhythem but an overdone idea. Of course I can relate but still doesn't interest me enough. Why the heck you use the word 'Suitor' that's too ...

    Apr 28, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Some Day I Hope

    Now I know why I couldn't aborb the words they were so overdone and boring. You should probably drop cliches and write this in a much more original and true ...

    Apr 28, 2008
  • Lyrics » General, General Re: Dirty Honey

    Very nice. One thing before post anything on YWS review at least two peices by other people. That way you have 2 reviews per post ratio making in theory more ...

    Apr 28, 2008


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