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Re: In the eye of the beholder
At first I wasn't into this poem as it starts with a weak hook, but then it blossomed, pardon the pun into a wonderous imagery poem. I'm trying to think ...
May 4, 2008 -
Re: You
Hmm, this struck as a first attempt at delving into the world of poetry. It an interesting idea don't be mistaken but the narrative just bores, I want to know ...
May 4, 2008 -
Re: The first of June
This is far from a new idea and you don't approach it with anything original, you tell us a story. This make it incredibly weak, as you tell us everything ...
May 4, 2008 -
Re: Deleted
This poem lacks something, you seem to tell too much. It seems all well and good but you don't show us the feeling and with that the ending is kinda ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Confusion
You get nothing but boredom from this, it's cliche and tedious. Again you forget most if not all puntuation only putting a few. It seems more like a rant doesn't ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Rondelet - Through Jealous Eyes
It's interesting but the meaning isn't exactly clear. But experimenting fun, just maybe try and somehow get a the meaning clearer in these few lines. Sure ya can manage this. ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Waist deep in Gods
... Yeh... first rule of poetry 101, Grammar! Puntuation. Don't act like it our job to fix your grammar. You post this rather poor poem and to add insult to ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: teens
I'm in agreement with most, you don't keep the readers interested and to add insult to injury you use and spew out cliches, it's not got a worth while hook, ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Nightfall
Hmmm, God I'm noticing a pattern with ya now. You have a wonderful idea but ya cramp it in one stanza. You need to learn not to limit your imagination ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: A difficult dad
Hmm, from what I've read of your poetry it has a vaguely familar style each time, this isn't a good familarness I'm seeing. You keep making the same errors, telling ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Senses.
Maybe it's just me but you really love semi-colons. Not a bad thing... but this poem, you tell us too much, you need to show this. It's just weak and ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Fallen Peace
Wow this is great, my only complaint is minor, and it just a grammar problem: I’ll take your hand, I, wanting just as much as you, to safely land. That ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Broken
Broken I thought you loved me and I loved you but it was all untrue I found out you cheated with my best friend You said the affair would end ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Yearning to Know You
Hmm, I agree with Twin this is too bland for some of the ideas, also the lack of punctuation irks me. The idea is nothing new you tell us these ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Umbrellas and Stars
Wow Pingu! I've no problem with this, it's very well written and I see no problems with it. A poem about an umbrella, such merit. Favourite part: Clots of fluorescent ...
May 2, 2008
