Published April 18, 2008
All across the news there is the talk of war. All through the papers there is the news of murder and death. All of these things seem to rule our lives, where we go and what we think. Has peace really fallen? Or can we find it... before it is too late and it is well beyond our reach?
What is peace?
What is love?
I can never remember, flying overhead – that image of an olive branch held by a dove.
Voices cry out in the night.
Some hold fear,
Others – hope.
For their lives have ended,
Yet many are still to begin.
But no one will listen to the fallen,
Their voices stretch thin.
No one wants the truth entering their ears,
For we all believe we know the meaning of life ourselves.
But the truth being it is comprised of hatred and fears.
Open your eyes,
Open you heart,
Be prepared to take that leap –
Into, what could be, a brand new start.
It may be dangerous,
The fall fast,
And the landing hard –
But good things do last.
So, if you’re ready,
I’ll take your hand,
I, wanting just as much as you, to safely land.
And as we fall,
Hand in hand,
Looking both below and above,
Who knows –
You may just see that olive branch, carried faithfully by the dove.
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140,885 Literary Works • 673,700 Reviews
Wow this is great, my only complaint is minor, and it just a grammar problem:
That last bit doesn't quite make sense. I'm guessing it I'm and ya missed it out. Other than that a great poem, not terribly original but you pull it off well.
Overall: This earns a star, keep it up and keep fighting the good fight.
I thought is was a nice poem. Really into depth with the peace.
The rhyme scheme was a bit strange. I think you should pay more attention to that. Its a good poem. It's just the rhyme scheme that's a bit funky.
I have to agree with WlldFlr3, I think you should make it 'branch' instead of 'leaf'.
I am thinking about entering this poem in a poetry competition.
I was just wondering if you had any further advice for me or how I could improve my poem in any way, it would be most appreciated.
Thanks so much!
W1ldF1r3: thanks so much! I changed the first verse so in the poem it is a branch the whole time, I agree it didn't really link before but hopefully it will read better now. I am glad you liked it!
Cade: sorry about that, thanks for letting me know and changing it
God: thank you, I know that that rhyming is a little odd in places but I tried to make it flow alright even if some of the lines were longer than the others.
Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to read and critique my poem. Every little bit of advice is appreciated.
~bess-bess
good poem, i like the idea, and the rhythm is a bit odd, but fine, the rhyming is good. great job.
Hey bess-bess, just did a quick edit for you. Please don't put your title in all caps! It's more annoying than an attention-grabber.
-Colleen
Nice structure, nice words and nice over all poem. What else can you say but QUALITY!!!!!!!!
A minor thing at the start you say "I can never remember, flying overhead – that image of an olive leaf held by a dove. "
Then at the end you say "You may just see that olive branch, carried faithfully by the dove."
In the last line is the branch supposed to be leaf? Makes more sense but either way awsome poem.