cooldude19967

I liked it, but I agree that you should wait longer before making the colors fade. It would make it seem more realistic and it would be more emotional when ...

Warning... I write plays, but I've never tried to critique them in my life. I hope this does help though, even if it is shorter. Age: I'd say Mute is ...

To be honest, I found your story choppy to the extream, and Luxa's character was pretty unbeleiveable. Jealousy is one thing, but why on earth does she break into tears? ...

I have pretty much the same problems with this as I did with your other two, so I'm not going to bother repeating them. The two main ones that stood ...

I like it, but found it boring. If it hadn't been so short I might have stopped reading. Maybe adding some type of hook would liven it up, or even ...

WOW! I really like this. It seems like a topic that has been done before, but you did it so well! Normally I don't try to critique stories that I ...

I found that your story was slow, but interesting. I didn't get board halfway through like on some others. The information you gave about the boys was good, it really ...

Double post. That was annoying. Ok, now that I'm done with that, on to your story. The main odd thing I noticed was this, why does the cheif ask why ...

I like the idea, but the first part confused me really badly, and because of that I can't say if it's to short or not. The second part I like ...

Confusing. I think you might want to add some more obvious breaks in there to show when you are jumping ahead in time. Also it was annoying to have to ...

I was going to comment of your horrid capitalization, but reading Teague's post I think I know why that was now. You really could use spell check more though, there ...

A bit less interesting than your first bit, but that's pretty natural considering your first bit had to do with a ran dom body showing up in a garden. You ...

I was really confused at the beggining and your story still leaves a lot of questions to be answered at the moment. The main one is basically this, why on ...

I noticed that you jumped right from when Rain was a kit to when s/he was old enough to be teaching another kit. Was there a reason for that? It ...

This was really to short of a piece for me to critique, but it does look pretty goo so far. I assume the fantasy bit is going to come in ...