concertchick16

The reason I didn't give much detail, is becuase I want it to seem as if this little bit could be anyones story. Notice it doesn't even say if it's ...

“Click” the lock to the bathroom door sounds, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Resting my back against the door I ponder what John had just told me. What ...

I know the beginning is one big question. literally. i thought about him diseasing her. but the clencher is only she sees the everyone else she looks perfect. So he ...

Thanks my mom pointed the poor structure out to me:( i HATE starting a new story. I'm going to try to merge it with another story... so maybe i can ...

maybe have it that he reached the park that day. but he saw her being loaded into a body bag mwuhahahaha um yeh that was random now im scared.

i dont like that part either because it makes him seem as if he wants to have sexual illusions with his mother that distracts from the story and doesn't even ...

dont worry he is...lol :lol:

hmmm needs more emotion, if you saw your dad get shot wouldnt you scream or cry or something? maybe get mad and get revenge somehow, he feels fake not real ...

i loved it~! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa so romantic but i might be able to help on the kisses. good job

:arrow: they sound a little that how British guys really are? but it is so funny anyhow.

:arrow: i love the very last sentance "so when does it snow around here"

:arrow: thanks you've really helped, like after looking at it for a while i dont even see the mistakes.

:arrow: how bout "Tunnel Love" lol sorry that stunk but i just had to, its just too funny, cause it kindof works

:arrow: i read was sad, very sad, i know someone that happened to i never really felt her shame, now i do

:arrow: Thank you so much~! that is so cool, i always misspell too as to, :oops: don't ask why its the easiest word to spell.lol