Published September 12, 2005
floating crimson lights
burning angrily in the black,
emitting tell tale wisps
of swirling smoke that curl
towards the sky, and finding the path
blocked by crude cement,
hang apathetically above us.
soft, strange material
smelling of secrets and beer
keeps skin feeling safe and
i like the smell of smoke, must and mint,
down here.
running soft hands
through gravel and cigarette butts,
tracing the etchings of words
on rough walls,
smiling at blurred faces;
rebellion is our middle name
and we wear this darkness well.
shady boy shaped figures,
lean and beautiful against the blackness,
concentrating on the scribbling
of black pens on grey walls.
there is a feeling that the world stopped for us,
down here.
we are nowhere, we are hiding.
we are shielding our eyes from life.
husky voices, soft breaths,
strong hands and the sparkling whites of eyes -
i could fall in love with anyone,
down here.
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140,565 Literary Works • 673,441 Reviews
that was amazing hon...wow. bravo, kudos and all that jazz.
for a title the only thing I could come up with was 'androgyny', hmm...concertchick's 'tunnel love' could also work. hope it helps.
I would have more of a critique but I am pressed for time cause I'm at an internet cafe.
cheers CL
but i just had to, its just too funny, cause it kindof works
the title is ridiculous, i know...if anyone has any suggestions i will love them forever.
"shady boy shaped figures,
lean and beautiful against the blackness,
concentrating on the scribbling
of black pens on grey walls.
there is a feeling that the world stopped for us,
down here. "
How do you write like this? How can you use imagery and still be clear at the same time? My poetry really sucks all the way around and it's nothing like this. I loved the meaning of the poem--the title was a little lame but everything else was awesome. I can't say anything else.