chocolatechipmuffin

This is amazing. It has an honest, open, emotional feel to it, and it's beautiful. I like the use of present tense - it makes the story feel more rushed, ...

*cries* Wow. This was amazing! Bad things first, good things later. You switched verb tenses A LOT. For instance, under the first asterisk, the second paragraph is in the present ...

Well, I like it. It seems like one of those pieces that leave everything up to the reader, almost like "The Lady and the Tiger." (which everyone should read, by ...

This is wonderful! I'm not sure I have much to add to what's already been said, but I'll try. I'm not sure if dark-room is supposed to be hyphenated; I ...

Ouch. Put the claws away. All of you. Wozzel, it could use some editing, but that's easily done. The Grammar Nazi within me begs for a pronoun at line two ...

It's obvious you're trying to make a poignant ending, to say something important about your brother, and his drinking, and your relationship with your family. But somehow, it just wasn't ...

I loved it. It's not the best writing...I don't want to say it's bad writing, but YWSers could do just as well. But I really did love the came at ...

I personally love the theory of the butterfly effect, it's something that, for some reason, I think about a lot, and it bugs my friends to no end when I ...

It might have been better as prose, I'm not sure... A few grammatical errors (which may well have been typos) "Well. what the heck do you want to do with ...

I like that style of poetry, too. It isn't held back by any rhyme or reason, even though, taking a closer look, there's a definite rhythm. Goddess, oh please Don’t ...

This poem aches and hurts, it throbs with raw emotion. And I have to ask, how many problems does your speaker have?? S/he smokes, has an eating disorder? is OCD? ...

I like this, it's kind of a childish, singsongy, Shel Silverstein-esque rhythm, but I like it. It works, because if the poem is about a child experimenting with running away, ...

I'm going to steal someone else's idea and use different colors. red=spelling blue=revision green=commentary I could smell the burning bodies in the crematorias of Aschwitz Birkenau Auschwitz-Birkenau

It would be nice if you'd specified whether your friend is male or female, but it's not essential to the poem, you can leave it like it is. I like ...

First of all, you've got some major grammar issues. When talking about people, use "who," not "that." that excepts me for me, that I can talk to, that loves me ...